|Some call him Genghis Khan, some call him Temujin. Our script called him "Trevor".|
Of course, my writing partner turned that into a 25 page script and we made plans for writing a separate intro. While he worked on the first draft of the introduction, I turned the 25 page version into a 75 page script. Altogether, the script checked in at around 100 pages. It was almost entirely dialogue (with cryptic and obscure references), had more cutaways than an episode of Family Guy (a show that was still cancelled at the time, and I don't think either of us were influenced by it), and would prove to be all kinds of impossible to even plan to film. (To be fair, I did attempt to set up some filming in Colorado – under the guise of a visit to my father – some time later, but what we wrote was far from complete.)
So, instead of burdening any reading audience with the lengthy script (at least not just yet), I thought I would post the oldest surviving edition of the script that I have. The only note I have on the original script (other than mine) is from Debbie Trueblood who termed it as simply not being worth the time. This one was deemed a slight improvement, but it still lacked the introduction of a plot. Actually, the last version was also largely lacking a coherent plot, but if the revision ever gets finished, that may change.
I would say that one could compare the writing style to Without Distinction and see what a difference Steve's influence had. Of course, I could similarly say look at "Night Wolf" vs. "Dreamers" for how I attempt to write. But there are some jokes here and no messy personal baggage.
“CALL ME TEMUJIN”
“CALL ME TEMUJIN”
Four people drink and snack around a table. The table has a sign that reads “WELCOME REINCARNATED TYRANTS AND VICTIMS”, sheets of “HELLO” stickers, a marker,snacks, punch, etc. They all wear “HELLO I WAS” NAME stickers. They are: TREVOR with his “TEMUJIN” sticker, EMILY-“ODA”, EDUARDO-“WATANABE” and FRANK-“HASHBAT”.
At least people have heard of
Use Temujin. That was my birth
name. Genghis Khan meant
“Universal Monarch” and that
reminds me how much more successful
I was in that life than this
Wait, if I use Temujin, I’d ruin my
whole point. Nobody’s heard of Oda,
but nobody’s heard of Temujin
I’ve heard of Oda Nobunaga.
From a video game probably.
At first, yeah, but I read about
him. Feudal Japanese warlord who
didn’t get along with Buddhist
Not all of them. I had some as
Not me. I died fighting Oda.
Not really. There’s a reason we’re
What were you fighting over?
I think he was angry that many of
us were ringers.
What, for the annual Buddhist-Taoist
baseball game? Aw, they didn’t
have to do that. The Taoists
would’ve already been at a big
enough disadvantage since they’re
not supposed to do anything
unnatural and there’s nothing more
unnatural than the motion of
throwing a curveball. The monks
would be sitting dead red the
I meant ringers in that they
recruited a lot of unsavory
fighters. I had about as much
business being a Buddhist monk as
Hey, why do you assume I’m not
How much do you know about
There you go. About as much as I
did. But I knew a lot about
dropping people with one punch and
beheading with one slice.
Apparently that knowledge was more
I was harder on them about their
depictions of Buddha than I was
about their recruiting. They
weren’t happy when I pointed out
that their statues of him as
Chinese were inaccurate, that he
was really Indian.
That wasn’t in the books I read.
They said you resented their
warrior-monks interfering in
History is written by the victors.
Oda was the victor.
Yeah, but I had problems with the
writer I commissioned.
What, did he die in the middle of
writing it or something?
No, he finished the book, but he
kept delaying it for years.
He never said. All I know is he
was eventually reincarnated as J.D.
What was it to you how they
Nothing really, I was being a
trouble maker. Another way to
Why did they care if he was Indian?
I guess Japan wasn’t ready for a
So now he’s white?
I didn’t say “white”. I said
“Caucasian”. That’s what East
Indians are. They’re darker than
what most people think of when you
say “Caucasian”, but so was Cary
It must be confusing when cops are
looking for an Indian suspect and
he’s described as Caucasian.
Yeah, but the worst case would be
when a Chinese suspect is described
as Mongoloid and a SWAT teams ends
up using concussion grenades before
storming a special ed bus.
Frank leafs through sheets of “HELLO” name tags on the table.
Where is everyone?
They’re probably home watching
Yeah, can’t miss that.
One of the judges was a victim of
Nero for calling his violin playing
the worst he ever, ever, ever, ever
Nero didn’t mind him criticizing his
music. He was executed because he
said basically the same thing
every time. He only varied how
many “ever”s he used.
That’s still a more dignified death
than mine. I died because of a
You were run over by the juggernaut?
No, when Genghis Khan conquered my
people, he gave an order that
anyone taller than a cart handle
was to be massacred. So I built
this giant cart, and the handle was
twice as tall as me, but they still
didn’t spare me.
You have to admit, that was against
the spirit of the order.
Thanks to the spirit of the order,
I wasted the final days of my life
building that damn thing. The
last memory my son had of me was me
yelling at him for not being good
with a saw.
You could have saved yourself some
work by making a the cart the same
size, but with a giant handle.
That would have been even more
No, you could have told them the
special design was needed to make
Being tall isn’t a handicap.
It can be. You can’t be a fighter
pilot if you’re too tall.
I could say short people are
handicapped at dunking a
Yeah, but look how pilots talk
about the joy of flight, though.
Some wax poetic about the beauty
and the sense of freedom it gives
them. There’s no poetry in Manute
Bol dunking without jumping.
You just wanted to somehow work
Manute Bol into the conversation.
No, actually I was about to set
myself up for a crack about Henry
Rollins’s poetry, but since I don’t
know any of his, I mean, who knows?
Just because you can’t fit into an
F-14 doesn’t mean you can’t pilot
Okay, but how about health. The
tallest man ever, who was like
almost nine feet tall, had trouble
walking and died when he was in his
That is true. Most people like
that have health problems and die
Fine. Being gigantically tall is a
handicap, but telling the Mongol
Horde that wouldn’t have saved my
Not necessarily. Just before my
death, I was thinking of adding
a Mongolians With Disabilities Act
to the laws of The Great Yasa. I
even had captured artisans working
on a special stirrup for
Wasn’t your son massacred as well?
No, he was shorter than a cart
handle. A regular one.
You were counting on someone who
was maybe seven or eight year old
for carpentry expertise?
He wasn’t a child then. He was a
thirty year old midget. Somehow
that wasn’t against the spirit of
the order. And somehow sawing your
legs off, that also wasn’t against
the spirit of the order. Only what
I did was.
You said yourself amputation was
How come I’m expected to have my
legs severed with a rusty saw and
no anesthesia by someone who can’t
even cut straight, but people too
big for a cockpit, under conditions
a million times better, aren’t?
I wouldn’t expect you to do that in
the present time, but people back
then could take more pain. Consider
how much tougher our grandparents
were, and that was only two
generations ago. Extrapolate
eight-hundred years and imagine
what they were like.
I was there. I know.
Maybe sparing midgets was hypocrisy,
but wasn’t that better than your
son also dying?
I know, but it kinda stung that
the guy who ordered my death was
a better son than my own.
Better at carpentry or massacres?
Probably both, but that wasn’t what
I meant. Genghis Khan annihilated
my people out of revenge for them
killing his father, but my son sees
his dad killed, and what happens?
And men are still baffled that they
always lose the custody battle.
For mother’s day you’re expected to
take her out to dinner, but
apparently the best father’s day
gift is revenge murder.
I’m not saying the killings were
good, but they showed how much his
dad meant to him.
Not everybody has that kind of
fiery personality. Everyone
Fine, maybe, but I assume Genghis
wasn’t still living at home when
he was thirty.
Hey, you know, it’s not that
uncommon around the world for
adults to live with their parents.
You still live at home, don’t you?
In the basement, no less.
What’s with people’s obsession
with the basement? The joke is
always the adult who lives in his
parents basement. Does it matter
what floor he’s on? “Oh, he’s on
the second floor. That’s more
independent than if he was in the
I think it’s expected to be a
crappy place to stay.
How come it’s cool for Hobbits to
live underground, but it’s a joke
when humans do it?
Most likely because the only people
who are into Hobbits tend to be
subterranean dwellers as well.
You know, I do pay rent.
Yes, to your parents.
Why is it better to give money to
strangers than someone related to
you? According to the Bible, we’re
all related anyways, so by your
logic everyone is a loser, or every
Doesn’t our belief in reincarnation
preclude us from citing the Bible?
It doesn’t for me, pagan.
I don’t believe in any gods. That
makes you closer to a pagan than
But there’s no contradiction with
you believing in reincarnation?
It’s a New Age thing, although I
suppose you’d take offense with
that as well.
Well really, I have a bigger
problem with New Age music, than
New Age spirituality.
That’s such a useless term. People
would probably lump both our
beliefs together as New Age, even
though they’re completely opposite.
Why, what are they?
I believe we all have the essence
of God in us. Everyone. The
animals too. Even the rocks and
If that’s the case, I really should
feel bad about living in my parents
And you better think twice about
Yeah, but on the other side of the
ledger, I wouldn’t have to feel bad
any more about those Project-X
monkeys being able to pilot a plane
while I can’t even drive a car.
And whenever I do something that
people can’t understand, they’ll
have to respect it as an essential
part of some grand design.
Who’s to say, on balance, which way
you’d be better off?
See. You should look before you
Trevor approaches the punch bowl.
I’ve never really considered that
Trevor refills his cup.
You know maybe it’s better so few
Why, because you’re more accustomed
to playing video games in the
basement than dealing with people?
That has nothing to do with it,
although every time I do I’m
reminded why I don’t like to. I’m
just thinking of safety.
What’s the danger here?
Tyrants aren’t very endearing.
That’s why Mussolini was dragged
through the street.
You don’t have to worry about me.
I’m talking in general. I’d
expect someone to take revenge.
Why? They have reunions of World
War Two soldiers from opposing
sides and they don’t end in
fisticuffs. And that’s much more
recent. That’s from this lifetime.
Proving my previous point about the
toughness of our grandparents.
They can get shot, step on a
landmine, lose a friend who was
shot before being killed by a
landmine, and still act peacefully
around their former enemies. But
if a batter today has the ball
graze his uniform, he charges the
They wouldn’t be charging the mound
if it was sure to end in a broken
Bo Jackson might.
The closest we had to trouble was
when, remember that southerner who
The guy who was the reincarnation
Yeah, he insisted that he was a
tyrant, but we disagreed. He
got pissed and swore up a storm.
Every other word was either a curse
word or “Yankee”.
I think for him, they were the same.
It has to be weird when southerners
travel overseas. They’d probably
go berserk if someone in England
called them “Yanks”.
I think it would be the opposite.
If they saw some protesters with
“Yankee Go Home” signs, I think
they’d go “Oh, they don’t like
northerners either. Can’t say I
blame em’. They killed my
But that was the worst we had. He
seemed angrier at himself than us.
People who don’t believe us aren’t
a threat. People who do must
believe in karma.
I’d sooner trust my life to the
security guard protection of Bruce
Campbell than karma.
That’s no knock on karma. Campbell
has quite a following.
Now bad stuff happens all the time.
If I get beat up, yeah, I guess it
could be divine retribution. But
maybe it only reflects the fact
that I learned self-defense from
those kung-fu manuals you could
order from comic book ads.
My gripe is that we’re supposed to
learn different lessons from our
different lives, but most aren’t
useful for modern times.
Yeah, I know.
When I was a young Oda, I didn’t
have much ambition to rule. So one
of my soldiers wanted to startle
me into action in order to make me
take my responsibilities seriously.
And he felt the best way to
accomplish this wake up call was by
Why can’t Tony Robbins use that in
his motivational seminars?
But it worked. I changed and I
became this really good ruler. Not
necessarily the nicest person who
ever walked the earth, but…
You had to break some eggs to make
Yeah, so in a later life I was the
mother of a couple shiftless young
men, and I figure, hey, that was
what I was like when I was young.
It worked for me so it should work
Were you still Japanese in that
The broken eggs didn’t make the
omelet, did it?
They just became really sad and
drank themselves to death.
That was an omelet for the Soviet
Only the Japanese have a healthy
attitude about suicide.
Because they have such an unhealthy
one about shame and dishonor.
My midget son had a similar kind of
thing happen. He came back as Brad
Sellers, but the lesson from his
Mongol life taught him to play
small and he failed as a pro.
For me, it’s the opposite. I wish
I could’ve kept some of Temujin’s
Back then, I was one of the greatest
military geniuses of all time, but
now I have trouble with “Command
and Conquer 2”.
Just keep building tanks.
Well yeah, I read that on the
internet, but I didn’t need help
with tactics when I was Temujin.
That would actually be more of a
problem of strategy.
You’re still playing C and C two?
I can hardly afford my stupid
basement. I don’t have the money
for up-to-date computers.
No , but karma’s supposed to be
this cosmic justice, but it seems
perverse how I was far more gifted
and talented as Temujin. The only
thing I have over him is my moral
superiority and the fact that I’m
not afraid of dogs. Now I get the
credit for the morals, so really
the only bonus was bravery over a
dumber and weaker form of life,
ignoring whatever divine essence
they might have.
You’re taking for granted
everything you have.
No I’m not. He even had a better
beard. I don’t want to sound
racist, but I don’t like being
out-bearded by an Asian.
How would they feel if they were
out-mathed by Americans?
Next time you want make sure you
don’t come off as racist, don’t
start your sentence with “I don’t
want to sound racist.” Oh, and
then don’t follow it with a racist
Don’t I get a little bit of a
break? It’s acceptable to make
jokes at the expense of your own
ethnic group, right, so doesn’t an
ethnicity from a past life excuse
me at least partly?
You spent whatever Asian-joke
capital you had in the Mongoloid
Genghis Khan was more gifted in his
person, but you were more blessed
in the world you have.
Yeah, but Temujin owned more of it,
so it’s debatable which is the
greater total value.
There were no video games back then.
It was not too long ago that
entertaining meant having people
over and talking to them.
Dark times those were.
You have comforts Genghis Khan
never dreamed of.
And you live in a world where you
aren’t expected to have torturous
If our generation wasn’t so soft,
you’d appreciate everything you
Ah, but that’s the reason you can’t
trust karma for protection. No
matter how bad you are, you’re
still guaranteed progressively
better standards of living in later
lives. Then what incentive is there
to be good?
TREVOR takes a drink.
Maybe when I get home I’ll E-mail