tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29114469305943797452024-02-21T12:23:45.985-06:00Unbidden Thoughts from the UnderemployedOriginal fiction, opinions, and reviews that are decidedly not related to work. Also, apparently where people go to read about Steven Pfiel.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.comBlogger295125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-69894036668720855082013-04-11T09:00:00.000-05:002013-04-11T09:00:01.229-05:00Science Fiction Wishlist (A Grabbag) — Part Three: Spaceship At this point, I have a lightsaber on my hip and the ability to get around (on the ground, in the air, in space) with my VF-1J Veritech Fighter. Now I need – as much as any fanciful, hypothetical Science Fiction wishlist can have any element of <i>need</i> – a spaceship with which to get around. Sure, you can do Sci-Fi without a spaceship. But there is something about the ability to safely travel between the stars that opens up the possibilities of a Sci-Fi universe, and if I am going to be even half-way serious about putting together the wish list, I am not going to leave spaceships off of it.<br />
Lets start with the rejects, the ships that no sane person would ever take as their first choice.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1LlrQ-BaYL6oSvJ6aGczdBWU-eBvqLLIQKKZp3gzI1F_-qHfH5G7GZ031nruopFQsxjIH9nlMCnINTMt8IwV1eS56Vd2kMeMSbapKFgLFfLpCi02eOEawDRYssO1J0GWFmku31Bx2PHG/s1600/Millennium_Falcon_Cross-Section.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1LlrQ-BaYL6oSvJ6aGczdBWU-eBvqLLIQKKZp3gzI1F_-qHfH5G7GZ031nruopFQsxjIH9nlMCnINTMt8IwV1eS56Vd2kMeMSbapKFgLFfLpCi02eOEawDRYssO1J0GWFmku31Bx2PHG/s400/Millennium_Falcon_Cross-Section.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Millennium_Falcon"><b>The Millennium Falcon</b></a></div>
Luke was right in that the thing was a piece of junk. Seriously, it has exposed bits that should cause the whole thing to explode (or at least suffer meaningful structural damage) upon atmospheric entry. It has the weird cockpit mounting – I'll leave it to the individual viewer to decide what happens to those guns that are mounted above it for one scene in the Alderaan system – that ensures that it is going to take a long while to learn how to do any precision repulsorlift maneuvering (you know, like landing on a small pad or inside a relatively small landing bay on Tatooine). It also clearly has substandard wiring and faulty systems. Sure, some of this could be chalked up to disputed owner/operator Han Solo; it is entirely possible he was spending to much time on his hair and practicing his lopsided grin to keep the ship in good working order. Indeed, isn't almost all of the appeal of the <b>Millennium Falcon</b> rooted in the desire to be (or be like) Han Solo? And if we were just talking <i><b>A New Hope</b></i> Solo, I'd agree. But Solo doesn't get better as the universe expands and his ship really is the Sci-Fi equivalent of a 1977 Ford conversion van (complete with pilot's chairs). <br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_%28Firefly_vessel%29"><b>Serentiy</b></a></div>
This is another instance of a ship being less than optimal. The bulk of the appeal – to my understanding – of the <i>Firefly</i> class ships was that they could be made to keep flying with basic maintenance. They were never going to be the best of anything, but there was some level of reliability. So, if the <b>Millenium Falcon</b> is a conversion van, <b>Serenity</b> is like a Beetle Cabriolet. It looks cool, and it probably could be maintained (to a degree) with the same level of know-how it takes to fix lawnmowers, but it isn't big, fast, or all that safe. The appeal of the <b>Serenity</b> largely derives from it being captained by Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion, before his head started looked like it belonged on Frankenstein's monster) and his "crew" largely being good looking people. Beyond that, it is just a strange looking craft with an internal layout I've never been able to figure out and too little cargo space to make it a good freight hauler. There is also the problem that it is meant to operate in a single solar system. Since I want a possibility of Earth still being a home base, the <b>Serenity</b> doesn't do me a lot of good.<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Battleship_Yamato"><b>Space Battleship Yamato</b></a></div>
I don<b>'</b>t think there is much need to kill this idea. It really is just the IJN Yamato<b> </b>scraped off the ocean floor, fixed up, and launched into space. Okay, there is more to the story than that, but it was – at heart – an effort to recapture some of the national pride Japan lost after getting their asses kicked in WWII (and there are versions of it that severely amp up the Sci-Fi look of it). I'm not saying that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Blazers"><i><b>Star Blazers</b></i></a> (the TV version I knew as a child) is without merit; I enjoyed it. But I am not taking an Imperial Japanese ship as my primary. Or secondary. Yeah, I don't want it. Not anymore than I would want a space version of the Bismarck.<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discovery_One"><b>Discovery One</b></a></div>
The computer will kill you. Oh, and it doesn't have a lot of the cool bells-and-whistles one would want given the infinite possibilities the genre allows. But the computer will kill you. It also is meant for in-system use, but I am not cooling on the killer computer. Yeah, HAL has a soothing voice (far better than Majel Barrett-Roddenberry's). But HAL wants to kill you. And me.<br />
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<a href="http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/TARDIS"><b>TARDIS</b></a></div>
Yeah...I hate <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Who"><i><b>Doctor Who</b></i></a>. With a passion. Probably because I was made to watch the show in the early 1980s and I know how much it sucks. Even without the £500/episode budget for set design and effects, the show is bound to suck. And not just because it can just reset things whenever it wants with a new Doctor, because they can all travel through time and muck things up. No, wait. That is why the show sucks so much. It demands no continuity. It is the on-going version of a perpetual Marvel <i>What-If</i> universe, where the "what-ifs" in question can always be changed. I hate <i><b>Doctor Who</b></i> more than I hate the JJ Abrams version of <i><b>Star Trek</b></i> (which I do not consider to be Star Trek, and I hate like Fred Phelps thinks God hates homosexuals). Having written all that, I'm sure the ability to travel through time gives the <b>TARDIS</b> some virtue. But apparently you can just fly around the Sun and travel in time. Or through some weird Borg energy pulse. Or you can microwave a container of JiffyPop near a Supernova. Besides, there is the moral imperative to not time travel (as it almost guarantees invalidating the choices and actions exercised by other individuals). Besides, no matter how big the <b>TARDIS</b> is on the inside, it would be a nightmare to dock the Veritech to it. Now, were it stocked with infinite fresh cookies...well, I'd still hate <i><b>Doctor Who</b></i>, but I'd take the <b>TARDIS</b> and then just sell the cookies. I'd eat many more than I should, but I'd go into the cookie selling business and give up the notion of exploring the galaxy.<br />
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<a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Super_Star_Destroyer"><b>Imperial Super Star Destroyer</b></a></div>
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<b> </b>The ship is 19 kilometers long. That is just too damn big. I don't care how many of those little MSE droids you have running around, something 19 km long is going to require a fair amount of human labor just to keep it looking decent. Seriously. I'm not saying I want a ship where I can be alone (actually, we'll address that later), but I certainly don't want a crew of thousands I have to oversee. Well, actually the Captain would have to oversee them, but given that I am not considering any ISF Captains to command my <span id="goog_131564594"></span><span id="goog_131564595"></span>ship (take that, Lorth Needa!). Besides, <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> technology – despite the very loud ignorance of the Lucasites – is inferior to everything in the <i><b>Star Trek</b></i> universe. Hell, the only threat the <b>Super Star Destroyer</b> would pose to a Federation Runabout would be the tractor beam. Which means that it would lose a fight to the school bus of UFP ships. I like the fighter compliment, but not if they have to be TIE fighters (even if they are Interceptors).<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moya_%28Farscape%29#Moya"><b>Moya</b></a></div>
She is a living ship. Not really sure why that would be appealing, except for the ideal that she could heal damage. That isn't how it works, though, because she gets sick. She gets infections. She is afraid of fire. And...she can get pregnant. She has no weapons and her best defensive maneuver effectively wipes out her navigational orientation. Add to the fact that she was a prison ship (so no luxuries), and she is just a terrible choice. Not that I don't want the DRDs or translator microbes. I want those. I just don't want Moya.<br />
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<a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Klingon_Bird-of-Prey"><b>Klingon Bird of Prey</b></a></div>
On the outisde, there is a lot to like about the <b>Bird of Prey</b>. But then TNG and DS9 (and, if we are going to be honest, <i><b>Star Trek III: The Search for Spock</b></i> and <i><b>Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country</b></i>) ruined it by repeatedly showing that Klingons don't believe in any kind of amenities. They don't believe in good lighting. And it is sure to be stocked with Klingon food and drink, which isn't appealing. Does the Klingon smell come out? Yes, it has a cloaking device, but it does not operate when firing weapons. Besides, I like the idea of the <b>Bird of Prey</b> as an enemy ship, and Klingons are the enemy. At all times. And every single one of them. Don't every forget it.<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Event_Horizon_%28film%29"><b>The Event Horizon</b></a></div>
I'm not sure if it is that the ship is <i>cursed</i> or that Laurence Fishburne is going to show up at some time that keeps this ship from consideration. Or that it didn't really work. And I hated the movie. But it looked okay. I just cannot imagine anyone choosing it as their one spaceship.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOI_-zOfFXmkAC-7lTTCPqKdxMZQ8C07G5UPFCLrQ1L-RWrsjUQ3TiC5C3u4IhWxq_Tuwc9wbyfiw7Q5eOB6HnSyRy50uZEiwf5cZ8cwV4EvrR-J49TgdylvMinW5-HLdMt-0h9Fm0wkfY/s1600/len11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="102" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOI_-zOfFXmkAC-7lTTCPqKdxMZQ8C07G5UPFCLrQ1L-RWrsjUQ3TiC5C3u4IhWxq_Tuwc9wbyfiw7Q5eOB6HnSyRy50uZEiwf5cZ8cwV4EvrR-J49TgdylvMinW5-HLdMt-0h9Fm0wkfY/s200/len11.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe the INSS Lenin</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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So what ships are worth considering? Probably a lot more than i could ever think of. The INSS Lenin seems like a fine choice, but I would be more in favor of the MacArthur (had it not been destroyed). Oh, and I have no idea if the model I found on the internet is an accurate representation of it. Hard to choose a ship if you don't know what it really looks like. It certainly has some degree of ass-kicking ability, but the hard science fiction of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mote_in_God%27s_Eye"><u><b>The Mote in God's Eye</b></u></a> is going to leave it severely underpowered against the more fantastical craft available. Besides, the Lenin needs a huge crew as well.<br />
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<a href="http://theinfosphere.org/Planet_Express_ship"><b>Planet Express Ship</b></a></div>
Maybe it is because the ship reminds me of an old, yellow pencil topper I had in second grade. Maybe it is because <i><b>Futurama</b></i> produced the single saddest episode of television, ever ("Jurassic Bark"). Okay, probably not that. But the <b>Planet Express Ship</b> is like the Firefly class ship from the Whedonverse, except that it doesn't have to make sense. It is largely idiot-proof (Fry), and does not require much in the way of a crew. Sure, there is no place to dock the Veritech with it, but if Pazuzu can hold onto the landing bay and survive in deep space...I don't know where I'm going with that. I really just want to point out that the gargoyle survived hard vaccuum. <br />
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<b>NSEA Protector</b></div>
Talk about an idiot-proof ship – even Fred Kwan could make it work. Well, that is one of the advantages of having fans of the TV show build the ship. I'm not really sure why this isn't my ultimate choice. It has effective weaponry, travels, fast, has transporter-like technology, and apparently can send people across the universe by use of some kind of goo and a wormhole. It also has the most ridiculous lay-out (because of the fidelity to the fake TV show). If it comes with Gwen DeMarco, it may become my back-up choice.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTx0PJeSB4MDrsppeMLDcqfU-Ih4LCk1pjzlmqmuS2qMlTPpl13KGxfep6i3LlwXbDMFeOWYpUt6jJBh_qEwdIgXcfwXJrP3yZxJ0VrIavMORQIn64KODI-hHDXqGGEpuSA30zwPrLqson/s1600/IO+and+Sulaco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="330" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTx0PJeSB4MDrsppeMLDcqfU-Ih4LCk1pjzlmqmuS2qMlTPpl13KGxfep6i3LlwXbDMFeOWYpUt6jJBh_qEwdIgXcfwXJrP3yZxJ0VrIavMORQIn64KODI-hHDXqGGEpuSA30zwPrLqson/s640/IO+and+Sulaco.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulaco_%28spaceship%29"><b>USS Sulaco</b></a></div>
Actually, we don't know that much about the <b>Sulaco</b> from the movie <i><b>Aliens</b></i>. Like most ships of that universe, it doesn't seem to need much of a crew to operate its transit from system to system. It also may not carry much in the way of supplies since it freezes the crew instead of keeping them awake for a couple of weeks. Maybe that is just a plot device, a way of keeping consistency between the films. I don't want a ship that forces people to doze through the journey. If I wanted that, I would have taken the ship from <i><b>WALL-E</b></i>. But the Sulaco does have armament, has dropships (and a nice comfy bay where I can put my Veritech fighter), and came from Earth. It hits a lot of the right buttons.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-byNhYp-QPlefPEesYyCFSAptZ662UtzdHwKNHVMmgicL2B0o8IBcUL2gm_sW2Q6_PqZe32c9ilMPiyVHU0xyGqa6Bb_rBM-Ft20HDAoOmCBMXBBVOlkJCtqOO3LHdh2iW5QrbjJyzb07/s1600/Corvette+Transport.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-byNhYp-QPlefPEesYyCFSAptZ662UtzdHwKNHVMmgicL2B0o8IBcUL2gm_sW2Q6_PqZe32c9ilMPiyVHU0xyGqa6Bb_rBM-Ft20HDAoOmCBMXBBVOlkJCtqOO3LHdh2iW5QrbjJyzb07/s400/Corvette+Transport.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://starshiptroopers.wikia.com/wiki/Corvette_Transport"><b>Corvette Transport</b></a></div>
More of a troop transport than anything else, the <b>Corvette Transport</b> from <i><b>Starship Troopers</b></i> is one of the cooler looking ships out there. Half ocean going freighter, half warship, it looks like someone took the time to make it look just plausible enough to be real. And in a Verhoeven film, plausibility is not something that is easily to come by. Why is it so high on my list? I mean, it has a large crew, doesn't have kick-ass weaponry or defenses, and it doesn't have a great pedigree. But Denise Richards (or more appropriately, a character she played) almost died on one. Any ship that makes an effort to kill Denise Richards needs to be considered.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTP4XoVF4dUi7cKxkOlXr9WkQxYaZTMw-YZn8oshZ3mEgQUC7JYpDYkXSwtgVQxZsj1DmGEcRbxpk3mWYeTxtL_DJLfDqyDaqqs9Ri2E2hM4mS8iJ8D7quElt_dRUM00df8vi-HPgvnQQ0/s1600/SDF-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTP4XoVF4dUi7cKxkOlXr9WkQxYaZTMw-YZn8oshZ3mEgQUC7JYpDYkXSwtgVQxZsj1DmGEcRbxpk3mWYeTxtL_DJLfDqyDaqqs9Ri2E2hM4mS8iJ8D7quElt_dRUM00df8vi-HPgvnQQ0/s640/SDF-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SDF-1_Macross"><b>SDF-1</b></a></div>
In almost every way, the <b>SDF-1</b> is what I want. With the Prometheus attached, there is not only not a shortage of space to dock the VF-1J, but plenty of extra Veritech fighters (be they 1A, 1D, or 1S). The Daedalus can be made into a punching-fist so the Destroids within can shoot the hell out whatever ship we decided to punch. It has...okay, had, the ability to travel via inter-dimensional hyperspace fold. Cannot say<span id="goog_131564663"></span><span id="goog_131564664"></span> enough about how cool fold technology is, but the SDF-1 has to give it up in order to put a city in the middle of the ship. It is also, as far as I know, the only <i>transformer</i> in contention here. Not that I wouldn't prefer <span id="goog_131564669"></span><span id="goog_131564670"></span>the regular looking configuration to be able to fire the Main Cannon, but one cannot always get what one wants. Given the immense power of the Main Cannon – it could essentially shoot a hole through the Death Star – it would be sheer folly to not take the <b>SDF-1</b>.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGghXfKwaPrSQVVxtgmfYGqSTefucneT3j_fHOCgbLfgouVh4CToA9mOoPspQouu7a0qiI9rDpvTpE7fxbli0RXZKhgsq-OnQmIl7XfMdQ-1SszyJBx3JyLJ-0eh7Gy8SFCF7paQOCc5J3/s1600/289380-sdf1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGghXfKwaPrSQVVxtgmfYGqSTefucneT3j_fHOCgbLfgouVh4CToA9mOoPspQouu7a0qiI9rDpvTpE7fxbli0RXZKhgsq-OnQmIl7XfMdQ-1SszyJBx3JyLJ-0eh7Gy8SFCF7paQOCc5J3/s200/289380-sdf1.jpg" width="161" /></a> It also has one of the better stories associated with it. Alien command ship crashed on Earth (which forces a global war to come to an end), gets rebuilt and (maybe) improved, inadvertently fires the first shot in a war that destroys more than 80% of the planet and has to keep thousands of civilians safe inside after accidentally transporting an island with it to Pluto. It is the only reason humanity survives the conflict. We'll just all agree to ignore its ignominious end.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZqG0TKtm3e8mTuUHxQ_Gpi5T8z-J51wtCVsMw_eqtsDbPpASIiI2iLqM8MbOAGGx1KkcNdZldB9m3lqu-ArJ98I_8VqaXb3yoh2tkXzs9PmjI-ofWcPL0J8-zFPUJ4br1JhYR57Q5KyH3/s1600/USS+Voyager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZqG0TKtm3e8mTuUHxQ_Gpi5T8z-J51wtCVsMw_eqtsDbPpASIiI2iLqM8MbOAGGx1KkcNdZldB9m3lqu-ArJ98I_8VqaXb3yoh2tkXzs9PmjI-ofWcPL0J8-zFPUJ4br1JhYR57Q5KyH3/s640/USS+Voyager.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Intrepid_class"><b>Intrepid Class Starship</b></a></div>
Yes, I went with the class because if I came out and said the <a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/USS_Voyager"><b>USS Voyager</b></a>, well I wouldn't expect anyone to take me seriously. <i><b>Voyager</b></i> may not be as generally disliked as <i><b>Enterprise</b></i> (and for good reasons), but it certainly is not super-loved, even in Star Trek circles. That is really neither here nor there when it comes to the ship, though. It has pretty much everything that makes UFP ships kick ass: phasers, photon torpedoes (even quantum torpedoes), transporters, warp drive, replicators, and – most importantly – holodecks. As a matter of fact, the lack of <a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Holodeck">holodeck</a> and cramped quarters is why the <a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/USS_Defiant_%282370%29"><b>USS Defiant</b></a> didn't make the list. The <b>Defiant</b> looks awesome and has unbelievable killing power. It even had a cloaking device for a while. But it is just a warship, and I want more. So why something that is essentially the <b>Voyager</b> instead of any of the Enterprises? First, I really do like the look. There is something fake looking about TOS's <b>Enterprise</b>, and while that is understandable, it isn't something I want. Sure, the <b>Planet Express Ship</b> is about as fake looking as possible, but it is from a cartoon. The <b>Enterprise-D</b> looks a little better and has all of the amenities, but it has that ridiculous saucer-separation thing going on. I really am not in favor of that. No, the <b>Voyager</b> can land on planets. Boom! It's huge to me. The Intrepid Class ship has enough room for the Veritech fighter (good-bye, one set of less than cool shuttlecraft), which is a plus. Now, I do want to get rid of those stupid bio-neural gel packs (since they can get infected and replacements cannot be replicated). It also has the EMH.<br />
Now I never understood how it was that the Sick Bay could be fitted with <a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Holographic_projector">holo-emitters</a> but nobody ever thought to put them anywhere else. This is my cheat around having to have a large crew. If we accept that the mobile emitter cannot be replicated because it is too technologically advanced (despite the fact that <i><b>DS9</b></i> establishes that replicators can duplicate a device without any understanding of the device being necessary), why not just place holo-emitters on the bridge and engineering? It cuts down on the need to have real people in positions to do the important things. There cannot be a huge difference in power usage for running the emitters versus food replicators, sonic showers, and life support for real crew members. I would want the option the have a lot of holo-crew members is what I am saying. And not just because then I could guarantee that I'd never end up with a Wesley Crusher-type person anywhere important. Because it would just be programs in all the important posts. Maybe. But definitely no whiny teens. <br />
So, yeah. I want a craft that can land, doesn't destroy space by going to warp, has good weaponry, the ability to manufacture just about anything necessary, and multiple holodecks. And, for my money, there isn't much that does all of that better than the Intrepid Class.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-78117832997279494302013-04-09T09:00:00.000-05:002013-04-09T09:00:00.109-05:00Science Fiction Wishlist (A Grabbag) — Part Two: Personal Craft At this point, wish-fulfillment 'me' has a lightsaber slung to his belt in some unnamed Sci-Fi universe. Or stashed in a coat pocket. Have to figure that one could easily hide either a lightsaber or one of the <i>garage door opener</i> looking phasers in just regular clothing. The lightsaber doesn't look like it is anything more than a poorly designed flashlight. Now I need a way of getting around.<br />
What should I use?<br />
There are more choices, I'm sure, than I could ever reasonably think of in short order. Would I want something as simple as Luke's <a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/X-34_landspeeder">landspeeder</a> from <i><b>Star Wars</b></i>? Have the wind whipping through what is left of my hair? Would I want the BattleMech I used as my command vehicle for six years (and three different campaigns), the <a href="http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Catapult">Catapult</a>? Well, if I could be guaranteed it would be the CPLT-27 version I put together with scavenged Clan tech – two LRM 20s, four Medium Pulse Lasers, double heatsinks, and more armor – for Captain Jonathan Alexander Frost. But it is a 65 ton Mech, or about the weight of an M1A1 Abrams, and I see there being some serious problems getting it around most places. Add in the fact that those long range missiles have a maximum range of about half a mile and it just seems so far from optimal. Cool looking, but not optimal.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjHKksx0Ebbj_g0GCiolCXrolH-g_KHYrk6ub0cyYByJpSnF_vKNUTIK8M24Zfk1S_xrpRdqn2WoN5nkmVRB5hzNG2pmH_R_AjUnDrQawkcLsDj2p1zi6IY_bzxv7soO1DZIKHg2G7tk-Z/s1600/vr-052f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjHKksx0Ebbj_g0GCiolCXrolH-g_KHYrk6ub0cyYByJpSnF_vKNUTIK8M24Zfk1S_xrpRdqn2WoN5nkmVRB5hzNG2pmH_R_AjUnDrQawkcLsDj2p1zi6IY_bzxv7soO1DZIKHg2G7tk-Z/s1600/vr-052f.jpg" /></a></div>
How about VR-052 Battler Cyclone power cycle? You get all of the coolness of riding a motorcycle with extra safety equipment and all of the utility of a suit of power armor with forearm mounted mini-missiles and an EP-37 Beam Rifle at hand. It runs on protoculture (or a distilute of the essence of the Flower of Life, since the series was pretty clear that they can run out of fuel after a few months of constant use), so gas prices aren't an issue. It even folds into a small(ish) box when not in use. The downside? Well, there is the matter of how I feel about motorcycles. The more pressing one would be that when being used as power armor it requires the user to carry most of the weight of the vehicle. And how do you explain to the cool Sci-Fi heroes why you have wheels sticking out behind your head?<br />
Besides, I have a feeling that the personal craft should be one that can fly. And not just fly in an atmosphere or space, but both. And it should look cool. Maybe like the old Cylon Raiders.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHMZt6JqFVVkgbfov_gx7GTw1dxE5uxTQ3CznNW_JND9Cy1hKqvVXDmOl0JeWti25PgU0U9sP4k4IqhbUPiyRnVTniBIS320ZMnu8bf5hz3zQCoKzxGUzXIkevnUKuKeLvHpNF1ya-cgL/s1600/CylonRaider.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHMZt6JqFVVkgbfov_gx7GTw1dxE5uxTQ3CznNW_JND9Cy1hKqvVXDmOl0JeWti25PgU0U9sP4k4IqhbUPiyRnVTniBIS320ZMnu8bf5hz3zQCoKzxGUzXIkevnUKuKeLvHpNF1ya-cgL/s400/CylonRaider.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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I had the toy for the Raider that actually shot the missiles. Actually had a couple of the Vipers – word to the wise, the stickers on them held up much worse to the bathtub than did those on the X-Wing – but the Raider was always one of the favorites. Maybe because it had that creepy mix of <i>flying saucer</i> design to go with its Luftwaffe gray color scheme. I think it had more to do with the fact that not only did it fire two missiles (as opposed to the Viper's one), but it was pretty accurate out to about ten feet. Great for shooting my brother. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2HW-KN_eB_I_jIu2ctrdNgrnWJbjVOjMAHQHmbaqS1dLMrBsL4XXUHIkun81WidRxGiSc1LCVnpJsPKLZyxhZYqJtyC6gzP7t6acHudwKd3fvc1FhhOy4H7RKAnGHf9-1_Smvccce4YCk/s1600/raider.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2HW-KN_eB_I_jIu2ctrdNgrnWJbjVOjMAHQHmbaqS1dLMrBsL4XXUHIkun81WidRxGiSc1LCVnpJsPKLZyxhZYqJtyC6gzP7t6acHudwKd3fvc1FhhOy4H7RKAnGHf9-1_Smvccce4YCk/s320/raider.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty sure the missiles on ours were yellow, but this is what the toy looked like.</td></tr>
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Still, love of the toy should not be the deciding factor. </div>
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I guess my runner up would be the <a href="http://babylon5.wikia.com/wiki/SA-23J_Mitchell-Hyundyne_Starfury_%22Thunderbolt%22">SA-23J Starfury "Thunderbolt"</a>, the improved version of the human fighter pods from <i><b>Babylon 5</b></i>. Never mind how ridiculous the notion of fighters for space combat. If we paid attention to practicalities, I wouldn't have a lightsaber swinging from the hip. It fulfills the desire to have the presumed daring-do of WWI era dogfighting in a Sci-Fi universe, just as the lightsaber brings swordplay out of the Medieval and Renaissance tales. And the Thunderbolt version of the Starfury looks like a cross between an Anime style fighter and the X-Wing.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifYgeSXyHkFCpXFGR89JVlkSzXwJsU0IwOswmwO_2YlYGYqKjZQ6IiWp_PpLRtIwC79fJNU0R0cAIQH_bMItj6xOJGajUzZcycLf2l0imT2gNblGTACiKxKuhFwpabuHIgetHxQrIGTZLa/s1600/StarFuryThunderboltFightingTigers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifYgeSXyHkFCpXFGR89JVlkSzXwJsU0IwOswmwO_2YlYGYqKjZQ6IiWp_PpLRtIwC79fJNU0R0cAIQH_bMItj6xOJGajUzZcycLf2l0imT2gNblGTACiKxKuhFwpabuHIgetHxQrIGTZLa/s400/StarFuryThunderboltFightingTigers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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It is even a little reminiscent of the craft from <i><b>The Last Starfighter</b></i>. But where I want to give the <i><b>B5</b></i> team credit is in giving at least a small acknowledgement to the physics of space combat. The Starfuries spin about on thrusters, and moving in whatever direction is necessary instead of just <i>away from engines</i>. Besides, given all of the <i><b>B5</b></i> bashing I am going to be doing next week (maybe in two weeks, we'll see), I should give the series some degree of credit.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXwWLC2WSyre-WRqEP2MF_4xzSZyTuPD-jy0AZq8nfa2XfHdnsRCWOxeQkKVYwaWE5dbJFpapLWqTWhZwHoL2HUGEIc_qlV09JPsnDDi1oLD6qYZp2_nSING_Q7x1Q6pYrYlSiqk4mC767/s1600/VF-1A_Macross_masa_03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXwWLC2WSyre-WRqEP2MF_4xzSZyTuPD-jy0AZq8nfa2XfHdnsRCWOxeQkKVYwaWE5dbJFpapLWqTWhZwHoL2HUGEIc_qlV09JPsnDDi1oLD6qYZp2_nSING_Q7x1Q6pYrYlSiqk4mC767/s400/VF-1A_Macross_masa_03.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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No, if I can only have one personal vehicle, I am going with the VF-1J Veritech Fighter from <i><b>Robotech</b></i>/<i><b>Macross</b></i>. Not only is it <i>clearly</i> a rip-off of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grumman_F-14_Tomcat">F-14 Tomcat </a>(which was largely obsolete when Maverick made flying it look cool in <i><b>Top Gun</b></i>), but it turns into a giant robot fighter. Well, first it turns into something that looks like this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxAOBSscSs8gMTOBY6f2Ue8W-bufDfzJzQplPQJTf1qqyEBMckrDT9J3dNdQH8x_-4vCO79f718GKVjGtKKCZeCF76raHZ76h7Th0OrCUniDWWvnbaiidGvrEc_sFRAr0Kr7lp_caNhfi6/s1600/veritech-guardian.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxAOBSscSs8gMTOBY6f2Ue8W-bufDfzJzQplPQJTf1qqyEBMckrDT9J3dNdQH8x_-4vCO79f718GKVjGtKKCZeCF76raHZ76h7Th0OrCUniDWWvnbaiidGvrEc_sFRAr0Kr7lp_caNhfi6/s1600/veritech-guardian.gif" /></a></div>
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This is known as either the Gerwalk or Guardian mode (depending on what level of purity one chooses as the source material). It allows for flying around like a jet (sort of) with all of the fun of wielding a gun and punching things like a robot.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF-briA02ECEHAjwFnwBsHOjcjpah27BnFdbbQHK9OYK-me7NgMit7A9Jwr2RXc8yEsR4SNpU-qSj0l-lGFnjqP37JAILAgcAQrmA5lSoYpTGd008pn15-Gy7Go-9CdXqoLuo9JMicK8oN/s1600/vf-1j-battloid.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF-briA02ECEHAjwFnwBsHOjcjpah27BnFdbbQHK9OYK-me7NgMit7A9Jwr2RXc8yEsR4SNpU-qSj0l-lGFnjqP37JAILAgcAQrmA5lSoYpTGd008pn15-Gy7Go-9CdXqoLuo9JMicK8oN/s1600/vf-1j-battloid.gif" /></a></div>
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It looks like the figure above when in <i>battloid</i> mode (NOT GOING TO CALL IT <i>BATTROID</i>). Perfect for fighting giant aliens or just menacing anyone else. It is the versatility of the craft – along with how cool it looks, and my enduring love of <i><b>Robotech</b></i> – that makes it a clear winner. It can carry loads of long range missiles (which means that they can go about 1,000 miles) with Reflex warheads (all the blast of nuclear weapons, none of that worrisome lingering radiation). It can fight in space and the atmosphere. And it will run for close to 15 years before the power gives out. </div>
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Plus, it doesn't need a droid plugged into it for the pilots to kick ass.</div>
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If only there were a chance of them being real. Or at least getting proper big screen treatment.</div>
Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-90262735056216714452013-04-08T09:00:00.000-05:002013-04-08T09:00:02.028-05:00Science Fiction Wishlist (A Grabbag) — Part One: Weapon I have taken a <i>very</i> long break from the blog. Longer than I wanted to, sure, but not so long as I could just convince myself to never put anything up on it again. So rather than subject anyone – I do have an idea of how miniscule even the potential audience is here – to the fiction with which I still not happy, I decided to write a few notes on my favorite little bits of science fiction (TV & Film).<br />
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<b>Part One: Weapon</b><br />
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This really should be a no-brainer. The <i>best</i> Sci-Fi weapon that comes to my mind is the <b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weapons_in_Star_Trek#Phasers">phaser</a></b> from <i><b>Star Trek</b></i>. Not the mini-vacuum cleaner looking models from TNG onward (though I would want the versatility of those models), but the classic one seen above. There is something comforting in its almost pistol-like qualities (though it also looks a little bit like a hot glue gun). More than that, it is the weapon Kirk used while he was kicking ass across the galaxy – at least when he wasn't using his hammy fists or constructing a bamboo cannon to shoot rocks at a rubber-skinned lizard.<br />
It is also the weapon that can vaporize the cover your enemy wants to hide behind. Not that the Federation forces used it to its full advantage most of the time. Need to kill somebody? The phaser willcut through nearly everything to get them killed. It can vaporize a building or a boulder. Hell, you can use it super-heat a pile of rocks (in lieu of a campfire) without risking the rocks exploding on you. You can also set it to stun if you feel like it. I guess it is possible there would be a situation where killing the enemy wouldn't be necessary.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The various <i>mini-vac</i> looking phasers (and one that looks like a garage door opener).</td></tr>
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But as much as I like the phaser – and my strong preference for <i><b>Star Trek</b></i> over <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> – the weapon I would take over any other would be the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightsaber"><b>lightsaber</b></a>. I mean, come on, its a fucking laser sword. Who doesn't want a laser sword? And one that, with the proper training (and a little luck) can be used to deflect all those little red bolts of light people might be wanting to shoot at you. Never mind the whole Jedi/Sith mythos – the lightsaber kicks ass because it demands the user to get up close and personal. It means the wielder means business. Plus it can apparently cut through anything (given enough time). <br />
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Is it as versatile as a phaser? Hell no! As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure the hand phaser could vaporize Vader as easily as it would anyone else. But the hand phaser is kind of like a smart phone in that it is the technological tool that can be issued to everyone. The lightsaber is a badge of honor, or at least the mark of a dedicated warrior. Compare it to the ridiculous Klingon <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat%27leth">Bat'leth</a>, the go-to melee weapon of the <i><b>Star Trek</b></i> universe. Are you done laughing? How about now? <br />
The lightsaber is one of those things that I think so many people would love to be real that if one were to see one if use right before their eyes the reaction wouldn't be <i>that can't be real because lightsabers are from the movies</i> but rather <i>Holy shit, that guy has a lightsaber!</i>. No one is going to have that reaction to a phaser. We'd sooner expect William Shatner to win an Oscar than to see somebody shooting beams of phased <i>whatever</i> at anything in the real world. But there is a real hope that somebody would make the lightsaber. Almost as much as we would all love to have the Predator's personal cloaking device.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-72474228125427022862012-12-26T01:36:00.000-06:002012-12-26T01:36:02.396-06:00I don't have the words...So, there is a movement afoot to get Piers Morgan exiled from the United States of America because he had the temerity to express views contrary to the deeply felt (and not always, but occasionally, well-informed) views who think that the gun is a part of American culture.<br />
<i>What the fuck are these people thinking</i>?<br />
Sure, Morgan is a smug prick most of the time (at least on television, and I'm going to count that as he clearly has a choice on how to present himself and most of the viewing populace is never going to deal with him face to face). And he has no problem shouting down those with whom he disagrees without using facts to support his argument while making the argument (for the record, telling someone to 'shut up' or calling him or her a liar is not a formulated argument). Most of all, it is ridiculous to have a discussion panel about gun violence in the USA and have those arguing in favor of eliminating (or severely restricting) gun ownership all be from other countries (The United Kingdom of Great Britain and India, with one raised in Iran). I know that it is a simple argument, but perhaps people who live inside their own culture should have a say in their own culture.<br />
Just a thought.<br />
But I would rather let Morgan blather on in an attempt to drive CNN from any semblance of relevance than muster up some kind of 21st Century internet-driven <i>Love It or Leave It</i> fervor to drive a non-existent enemy from America. There are plenty of people who are anti-gun and citizens, and if hardcore gun ownership supporters don't view them as <i>real citizens</i>, then that is where the problem lies.<br />
Me? I was raised with guns in the house. We used to shoot .22s in the backyard (right next to a rather busy street) and the village encourage people to bring their own guns to the annual Turkey Shoot. I got to shoot an AR-15 and a fully automatic Thompson submachine gun when I was 10; it was awesome. Never shot at anyone. Can't say I was never tempted, but cooler heads prevailed and it took all of about a day to realize that I never wanted to shoot anything other than a target. I would say there is much to be said for the support network that keeps adolescents from doing extremely stupid things, and a reason why I would put my concern on <i>person left all alone with guns</i>. Especially troubled people who have no one to turn to.<br />
Is Morgan the answer? Only if he is talking down the people who want to kill someone on an irrational impulse. But getting rid of him isn't the answer, either. If the Illinois Nazis could march through Skokie, we can all survive Piers Morgan.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-7618342741051034462012-12-17T01:45:00.001-06:002012-12-17T01:45:11.489-06:00Every once in a while, SNL has a moment of pure genius<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-2656778181115405362012-09-25T09:00:00.000-05:002012-09-25T09:00:10.751-05:00Hmmm....I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this much Star Wars For some reason...and I'm not blaming (or crediting) this for the enduring neglect the blog is suffering...I have been reading more than a proportionately responsible amount of <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> fiction this year. <br />
There were the graphic novels (<b>Dark Empire I </b>& <b>II</b>) I read in late March and early April. Those reminded me of how <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> had a tendency to want to keep revisiting the same story with the same characters because killing any of them off – <i>God forbid Boba Fett stays dead in the Sarlac pit</i> – would apparently anger the fans more than middling stories. But I also have read the <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> meets zombies <u><b>Star Wars: Red Harvest</b></u>, <u><b>Star Wars: The Wrath of Darth Maul</b></u>, and <u><b>Star Wars: Iron Fist</b></u> as part of this year's Reading Project. Still have <u><b>Star Wars: Solo Command</b></u> to go to finally finish off the Wraith Squadron books. I'm not sure if I'll ever read Stackpole's X-Wing books; it would be damning not to, since I did read his novelization of the recent <i><b>Conan the Barbarian</b></i> (2011) movie.<br />
Anyway, as I find myself struggling with my own satisfaction of the fantasy and horror short stories I'm trying to write (and why can't I ever consider something finished?), I must note that it is odd that I am plinking away at the huge <i><b>Star Wars</b> </i>catalog of books.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-58550351293435634572012-07-19T09:00:00.003-05:002012-07-19T09:00:03.676-05:00Safe House (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguKXHLMKSRhqxkQBMYH1Hxxqnl8d9QT73PyESP-yXtN2KG8rAj0pTbS0qPam9zKs_W0nF-W67FcI12qriKfM0WYJG1F2hnVA4BtAvXGujMXFvMUm6AJvsTXeXphAM3D6F_CS5lZ6EP0mU/s1600/Safe+House.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguKXHLMKSRhqxkQBMYH1Hxxqnl8d9QT73PyESP-yXtN2KG8rAj0pTbS0qPam9zKs_W0nF-W67FcI12qriKfM0WYJG1F2hnVA4BtAvXGujMXFvMUm6AJvsTXeXphAM3D6F_CS5lZ6EP0mU/s640/Safe+House.jpg" width="448" /></a></div> It is conceivable that, somewhere, a world exists where Ryan Reynolds may be considered to have a "medium build" (which is how his character Matt Weston is repeatedly described). In that world, I'd be too short to be a member of the Lollipop Guild. Okay, that is an extreme exaggeration, but it does serve to highlight one of the problems I had with <i><b>Safe House</b></i> (2012) – there was an obvious gap between the character envisioned on the page and the actor hired to play the roll of Weston.<br />
Reynolds has the ability to play smaller than his size, and his muscle is the lean type, meaning that the right camera angles (and keeping him clothed) can give the appearance of a regular guy. This tends to work better in the comedies he does where showing off his buff body would throw a serious wrench in the works of his being a goofy, boy-ish Everyman. In an action film, it is nearly inconceivable. Maybe it is his ability to play younger – Weston is likely six to eight years younger than Reynolds, not coming to the CIA in his early thirties – the made him the best available fit for the role. It certainly seems to have had a younger Jeremy Renner in mind.<br />
The other issues I had follow. Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington) is a bad ass because of attitude more than ability. I don't want to discount the attitude factor, but I really prefer when Washington is given characters with more definition. Vera Farmiga (Linklater) just takes up space, half mumbles her lines, and does not seem to be interested enough in her role to even make eye contact with her fellow actors. It would seem her days of being able to be the <i>pretty face</i> are well over, but not giving consistently strong performances is not a way to ensure more work as she drifts into the age range that Hollywood avoids. I also get baffled every time I see Sam Shepard (Whitford) show up in a very conventional role. This is the guy who wrote <i>The Tooth of Crime</i> (1972) and <i>La Tourista</i> (1967). I get that he is much older now, but having him stand in as part of establishment – to represent establishment through his own skill at bringing weight to a role – has never felt like a good fit to me. That trend continues here.<br />
Other than those minor things, I found <i><b>Safe House</b></i> to be a decent, workman-like film. Like <i><b>Echelon Conspiracy</b></i> (2009), I suspect that production was helped by incentives to make a movie in a non-traditional location. Strangely, the lighting (and color correction) did more to make South Africa seem <i>different</i> than any effort to establish the setting. Still, the action is steady without giving way to gore or over-the-top excesses. The characters inhabit something resembling the real world (save Weston being of medium build), where the real enemy is entrenched corruption. I'm not sure why it was so successful, but it is better than average.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-22201089838061341742012-07-18T09:00:00.000-05:002012-07-18T09:00:00.447-05:00The Best Ten-Minute Plays 2008 for Three or More Actors (2008)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90FmFTZteyM7-Bubt2yRCaZF06haXULm5M5zfEP9mf-_Smnjdfzk8XtYpiiB-s-gWsnplSmqqtn6-R1RHD_foFlSV_kGDL4TTUoQ6cCTpVzzhKQ1WvX-DXi9_A1rHviXQivY2Lz4D-uQ/s1600/10+Minute+Plays+3++2008.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90FmFTZteyM7-Bubt2yRCaZF06haXULm5M5zfEP9mf-_Smnjdfzk8XtYpiiB-s-gWsnplSmqqtn6-R1RHD_foFlSV_kGDL4TTUoQ6cCTpVzzhKQ1WvX-DXi9_A1rHviXQivY2Lz4D-uQ/s400/10+Minute+Plays+3++2008.JPG" width="250" /></a></div> There are a number of things I learned from reading the two collections of Ten-Minute (or less in most cases). The most obvious one was that I am an unreasonably harsh critic. These are plays that have been, for the most part, produced and performed in front of live people, likely ones who paid for the show, and I found myself comparing them – and not in a particularly favorable light – to the plays written by fellow students from my high school and college days. Why aren't they great if they are the <i>best</i> from a particular year (or from a limited range of years)? But, if I can step back and acknowledge that I look at some acclaimed <i>masterpieces </i>and find a multitude of faults and failings in them, then I need to adjust my expectations.<br />
I think a major problem I have is that I have an intense desire for playwrights to not rely on the conventions of the art, but I also get agitated when playwrights break away from them completely. Somewhere, undoubtedly, there is a happy medium, but it is likely too small for most authors to locate. I need to find it within myself to be more accepting of the works that the more knowledgeable – at least in terms of selecting material – and simply find a way to address what did and did not work for me rather than judging whether the plays are any good at all.<br />
Another important lesson learned is that it is nearly impossible to tell a complete story in a ten-minute play. While there was a statement that these plays would be more than scenes, that is how many felt; some seemed to be little more than sketches with larger aspirations. Worse, because there isn't a sense of totality, many of them leave no lasting impression. Still, there is a similarity between the short story and the (extremely) short play – one cannot read a lot of them at once without feeling burned out. In that case, it doesn't matter if they are good or bad. And it is here that it makes me marvel at the stamina of the teachers who have to wade through the much worse writing of students with great frequency. <br />
At any rate, I finished <u><b>The Best Ten-Minute Plays 2008 for Three of More Actors</b></u> first because it just <i>had</i> to be back at the library shortly after check out. For some reason, the effort to renew it gained a single day of leeway. Even more interesting, more than two weeks after it had been returned, a fine appeared for returning it late. Except that it wasn't returned late. And if it were, that fine would have shown up immediately. My take away from this is that it is a cursed book (or at least the local copy is); check it out at your own risk.<br />
The book opens up with Kathleen Warnock's <i>The Adventures of...</i>, and despite it having the hints of coming from an honest place it tried to hard to have a clever ending to break up the obvious progression along the way. George Freek's <i>Antarctica</i> actually bothered me because it was neither funny nor clever, and I was quite positive that both were intended. Ian August's <i>How to Survive in Corporate America (A Manual in Eight Steps)</i> was entertaining, but it read like one of the fantasy sequence instructional films from <i><b>That '70s Show</b></i> (1998-2006) – and given that I have seen less than ¼ of the episodes, I'm somewhat amazed that this is the association I made while reading it.<br />
Things get a little better with <i>In the Trap</i> by Carl L. Williams. While embracing quite a few of the conventions of a modern comedic play (it could be argued that it is an overgrown sketch that cared enough to give the characters some definition), it tries to have a point without insisting that it is <i>making a point</i>. There is something refreshing about the self-defeating protagonist who makes good only in minor steps, and those are motivated by the petty concerns that we often try to dress up as noble – and he makes no effort to do as much.<br />
Then things bottom out with <i>Moon Man</i> by Jami Brandli. It is ponderous. It is pretentious without having any possible foundation for being so. Worst of all, it refuses to have anything to say other than that people can be lonely. This play may appeal to some, but I found it to be a waste of time. More to the point, I think it provides no roles that an actor should be excited about performing.<br />
Mark Larmbeck's <i>October People</i> is not quite a whole play (though it is the one depicted on the cover of the book). Instead, it feels like a scene whittled down from a larger story with a character deposited in to keep the characters from reaching any kind of quick, reasonable resolution to their relationship. It is rather well written, but it feels like an insiders look at the world in which actors (and people who rely on the entertainment industry) live. That is a convention that I think doesn't translates well outside of (the North American) hubs like Los Angeles, New York, Vancouver, or Toronto. <br />
<i>The Other Shoe</i> by Lisa Soland wasn't poorly written, but it seemed too desperate to make its point. I would argue that if one is writing a short play, it shouldn't be overly concerned with addressing the author's agenda. Instead, it should be primarily concerned with making sure that a complete story is told in the limited time afforded it. This is something that Paola Soto Hornbuckle got right in <i>The Perfect Red</i>. It feels like a complete story – and is the the only play in the collection to have multiple scenes. It is also surprisingly dark, yet at the same time it manages to be accessible to a general audience. I would not imagine that many people would stage it because it does require better than modest production values but does not run long enough to justify it being the only play running on the stage. But there is something to it.<br />
Gina Gionfriddo's <i>Squalor</i> was more than a little weird, but it still works as a brief play. It was extremely contemporary in its references, but while that is impressive if it is produced immediately, it also serves to date it. It did have some rather good lines that showcase Gionfriddo's ability to bring wit and levity to a play without defusing the progression of the story. My favorites are:<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Marnie: </span></span>"Quit? You think this is hamburgers and hair appointments? <br />
You can't quit a war."<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Mike: </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"I'm thirsty and I have a dick." (Trust me, it has real meaning</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> in context.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Don Nigro's <i>Three Turkeys Waiting for Corncobs</i> is one of those plays that really relies on the conventions, especially the off-beat ones, of the modern play. It is actively trying to be quirky, and that is something that I am not sure that I know how to comes to terms with. I guess it is kind of funny, but in a way that doesn't seem to offer anything new while simultaneously not being something that has been done with any frequency. No, when it comes to something that has been done before one doesn't need to go further than <i>To Darfur</i> by Erik Christian Hanson. Equating small-mindedness with being a Southerner and/or a Republican </span>– which while not a being an argument without merit, it is not really a fact – is old hat. And there is nothing much more going on for <i>To Darfur</i>, even in terms of being entertaining.<br />
Nora Chau's <span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i>Whatever Happened to Finger Painting, Animal Crackers, and Afternoon Naps?</i> has a slight absurdist edge to it and has some fun with WASP-y conflicts, but it is both too short and too in love with itself to really be considered a full piece. At least it is better than <i>The Answer</i>, which felt like a writing exercise that tried to use play conventions to mask the lack of original story. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Larry Hamm impressed me with <i>Do-Overs</i>, but more because it felt like a cross between something I co-authored (<i>Call Me Temujin</i>) and Richard A. Knaak's <u><b>Dutchman</b></u> (1996). It is the story of two souls that keep finding each other over many incarnations, while a third soul – one that has not had a single life under its belt – tries to gauge expectations of life and love from their revelations. It is clever, and perhaps even slightly sappy, but it also feels like it manages to get a full story told in its brief time. It is immediately followed by <i>Gloom, Doom, and Soul-Crushing Misery</i> by Robin Rice Lichtig, a play where the single distinguishing feature is having the Travelocity gnome shoved up someone's ass. It is the opposite of clever and smart, so I assume that it must look much better when performed than it reads. At least it didn't read like a piece of mediocre high school writing, which is how Chris Shaw Swanson's <i>The Growth</i> came off. Even in trying to be more positive in my evaluations of these pieces, there is nothing about <i>The Growth</i> that speaks towards professional level writing or the concept of subtlety. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Patrick Gabridge's <i>Measuring Matthew</i> is another effort to put a character with Asperger's Syndrome into a story. This has become quite common in the last ten years, or at least very noticeable. From Sheldon Cooper on <i><b>The Big Bang Theory</b></i> (2007–present) to Abed Nadir on <i><b>Community</b></i> (2009–present) to Max Braverman on <i><b>Parenthood</b></i> (2010–present) to Wally Stevens (as played by Mark Linn Baker in 2003) on <i><b>Law & Order: Criminal Intent</b></i> (2001-2011), there is an unhealthy fascination with the fascination characters with Asperger's have with seemingly trivial, non-standard subjects. I find it tiresome, in part because there is seldom an examination of what the condition actually is. Also, because there is almost always an indulgence of the behaviors of the characters so as to not challenge the established order.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Night Terrors</i> manages to undue most of its solid writing and existential examination simply by having the third role be largely inaccessible. It is leaps and bounds better then <i>Zachary Zwillinger Eats People</i>, which combines poor grammar (and not in a purposeful manner to establish character) and never stops being preachy. The best advice I have seen on the subject is that if an author wants to be preachy, write either an essay or a sermon.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> The collection gets better with a pair plays where the single point may just be that cynicism can win out. <i>The Baby War</i> by Laura Cotton tells the story of the fight over the future of an illegitimate child between the well-to-do and the merely middle class. It also manages some sly criticism of consumerism reinforced through reality television. It also has the following exchange</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> (where Carolyn is April’s mother and Patricia is the mother of the boy who got April pregnant):</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Patricia</span>: You see, I’ve decided that I can’t allow April to have </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> an abortion. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">April</span>: I wasn’t planning on having an abortion. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Patricia</span>: Of course you were. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">April</span>:</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> No, I wasn’t. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Carolyn</span>: Are you sure, honey? You could have just a tiny one. <span style="font-variant: small-caps;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;"> April:</span> A tiny abortion? What, are you out of your mind?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It is far better than most of the dialogue present in the book. Thankfully, it is followed by the just-as-cynical but darker <i>Sexual Perversity in Connecticut</i> by Mike Folie. Finding some proper balance between honoring and sending-up Mamet and exaggerating WASP-y catfighting, it manages to be wry without ever tripping over into the ridiculous. And it serves as a good reminder to keep an eye out for the babysitters who become whores.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Sister Snell</i> isn't bad, but it tries to be witty at all times and feels far too short for the scope of story that could have been told. It isn't bad, but I feel that it would have been better served to be developed into a longer piece. As it stands, it resembles more of a well-written sketch.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Much different is Vanessa David's <i>Current Season</i>. It resembles the play about turkeys in that it calls for a trio of actors to play at being animals, in this case light-up reindeer decorations. Still, it has a quirky charm, as one of the most inappropriate lines (at least out of context) I've seen in a long while. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Prancer:</span></span> "If being in homosexual positions brings holiday cheer to<br />
the people, then I'm all for it. Bring on the kids."<br />
<i>Intervention</i> is a play revolving around a one-note joke, one that is obvious by page two, doesn't get said until page six, and then is hammered home for another whole page. It is an example of something obvious being mistaken for something clever, an insight the common person has never made. The end result is a tedious reading experience that I guess could only be worse when seen in person.<br />
Jerome Parisse's <i>Guys, Only Guys!</i> manages to get the one-joke story structure right. While probably better served as being a tighter comedy sketch, it is a funny brief play that successfully establishes characters and a story. While the twist of an ending may be obvious, it doesn't feel like it has been coming since the characters show up; personally, I think it strikes the right balance of being novel and not so 'out there' as to alienate an audience. Strangely, Parisse's <i>The Birthday Knife</i> reads as an extremely creepy experience. It feels like there is a very real threat to the main character, and because of this any humor otherwise in the story is drained away. It is definitely the weaker of his two efforts here.<br />
When I wrote about some of the plays requiring as much production work as a full-length play, I may have been most specifically thinking of Mark Harvey Levine's <i>Cabfare for the Common Man</i>. This is made more lamentable because <i>Cabfare</i> is full of labored metaphors and imagery. The only point is has to make is that one doesn't really go through life alone, with the addendum that the right person can be found. In what universe is that profound? Or even true? Where is the story for the truly miserable, how life is an unbearable series of lonely experiences where the people who leave you are the ones who are not destined to go through life alone? (I am going to come right out and admit I would probably have criticized that story, too, if it were as sloppily conceived as Levine's.) He has a much better piece with <i>A Case of Anxiety</i>. With an Inspector that begs the performer to overact as much as possible and repetitions that propel the story forward, it is the darker story he was afraid to tell with <i>Cabfare</i>. It is still a little too sunny, but has quite possibly the best instructions for how to introduce a gorilla into a play:<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>(Robert opens the door to let the Inspector out and is </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> immediately attacked by a giant gorilla who bursts into </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> the apartment. [If you can’t find a gorilla with an Equity </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> card, someone in a gorilla suit, a particularly large and </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> hairy actor will do the trick.] The gorilla picks up Robert </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> and tosses him around.)</i>]</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> The collection closes with Lisa Loomer's <i>Fear of Spheres</i>. I didn't get it. Not even a little. It appears to be a play that would be fun to perform, but if it doesn't mean anything then what's the point? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> All in all, I think there were enough well written pieces to make the book worth reading, but I will question what makes these plays <i>the best</i> of those available for consideration. I would also wager that thirty is too large a sample for those who actually want to read through the plays. Sure, it is better for those who are looking for material to produce, but that is well beyond my scope or interest. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Adventures of...</i> by Kathleen Warnock (2006)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Antarctica</i> by George Freek (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>How to Survive in Corporate America (A Manual in Eight Steps)</i> by Ian August (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>In the Trap</i> by Carl L. Williams (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Moon Man</i> by Jami Brandli (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>October People</i> by Mark Larmbeck (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Other Show</i> by Lisa Soland (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Perfect Red</i> by Paola Soto Hornbuckle (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Squalor</i> by Gina Gionfriddo (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Three Turkeys Waiting for Corncobs</i> by Don Nigro (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>To Darfur</i> by Erik Christian Hanson (007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Whatever Happened to Finger Painting, Animal Crackers, and Afternoon Naps?</i> By Nora Chau (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Answer</i> by Vanessa David (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Do-Overs</i> by Larry Hamm (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Gloom, Doom, and Soul-Crushing Misery</i> by Robin Rice Lichtig (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Growth</i> by Chris Shaw Swanson (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Measuring Matthew</i> by Patrick Gabridge (2004)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Night Terrors</i> by Wendy MacLeod (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Zachary Zwillinger Eats People</i> by Lauren D. Yee (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Baby War</i> by Laura Cotton (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Sexual Perversity in Connecticut</i> by Mike Folie (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Sister Snell</i> by Mark Troy (2002)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Current Season</i> by Vanessa David (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Title Fight</i> by Ian August (2006)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Intervention</i> by Mark Lambeck (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Guys, Only Guys!</i> by Jerome Parisse (2008)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>The Birthday Knife</i> by Jerome Parisse (2007)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Cabfare for the Common Man</i> by Mark Harvey Levine (2005)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>A Case of Anxiety</i> by Mark Harvey Levine (2006) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 12pt;">▸</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Fear of Spheres</i> by Lisa Loomer (2008)</span></div>Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-90097157526789380682012-07-16T09:00:00.001-05:002012-07-16T09:47:56.276-05:00Red Tails (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVu1Lb9HVvBXGqhHlU2YHR3fPtIvVd1ZdgsocBfH_lEB5_G2dAOFNgCUphcAxlCUSaEeElsAhVYBFKReXpWY4NuuAkiDd6m_VSOqWUSvIYG1W35XwNoJuTK-RsVsrorByCEyvkQkpBFrg/s1600/red+tails.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVu1Lb9HVvBXGqhHlU2YHR3fPtIvVd1ZdgsocBfH_lEB5_G2dAOFNgCUphcAxlCUSaEeElsAhVYBFKReXpWY4NuuAkiDd6m_VSOqWUSvIYG1W35XwNoJuTK-RsVsrorByCEyvkQkpBFrg/s640/red+tails.jpg" width="480" /></a></div> If ever there was a movie that simultaneously showcased the trademark Lucasian tone-deaf dialogue delivered in a monotone with the kind of direction that makes <i><b>Flyboys</b></i> (2006) look like <i><b>Memphis Belle</b></i> (1990), and <i><b>Memphis Belle</b></i> look like <i><b>Twelve O'Clock High</b></i> (1949) in comparison, then that movie would be <i><b>Red Tails</b></i> (2012). Feeling the need to abandon any of the compelling real-life stories from the heroic Tuskegee Airmen, John Ridley and Aaron McGruder instead throw as many stereotypes at the audience as possible, never bothering to form any kind of coherent bond between scenes of characters. This is problematic in a film where the filler material – everything that is not thrilling aerial combat – dominates the screen time.<br />
Most troubling to me was the choice to soft peddle the American racism towards the titular Red Tails, and black soldiers in general. Brian Cranston has a few scenes to respectfully express his dim view of the colored in uniform, but there is no feel of institutional weight behind his prejudice. Worse, it never seems that Cranston's Colonel Mortamus believes his lines. He is the worst incarnation of the paper villain, one that is in place for Terrence Howard's Colonel Bullard to give a mild repudiation. If this is Lucas' vision of addressing the racism of the era, then he never should have been allowed to contribute more to the film than money.<br />
There are plenty of other failings, and some that may or may not be failings. In the latter category fall the following – the "brand new 109s" in 1945, presumably Bf-109s (arguably the best looking single engine fighter plane in the war) that would have been supplanted by a variety of other fighters; the P-40s that look less like the planes that the Flying Tigers made famous and more like modified P-35s; the timing of when the first escorted daylight bombing runs of Berlin occurred. The obvious failings had more to do with character development, but there were a surprising number of technical issues as well. The air combat was surprisingly dull and lifeless. It managed to be somehow too crisp to pass for authentic and too slow to serve as exciting segments. Add to that the inclusion of a recurring enemy pilot (who speaks <i>Duetsch</i> so slowly that even I didn't need a translation) who serves as a very old-school kind of villain is the only sense that the Nazis are the ones who the Americans are really fighting, and you have a movie that just doesn't have any conception of the setting it adopted as its own.<br />
I feel somewhat bad for the actors involves in this project, who likely signed on thinking that there was going to be a serious attempt to depict the heroism of the real life aviators. Sure, most of them couldn't figure out how to give a reading and move at the same time (I am quite serious in that criticism; most of the actors had to stand perfectly still to give anything more than a wooden recitation of their lines). David Oyelowo manages to bring some life to his character (Joe "Lightning" Little) away from the action, and that may have been a better movie than what was put together. This has all the marks of a project that went into shooting without a finished script. Instead, it seems that the decision was made to make a movie with some WWII air combat and there wasn't much consideration given to the audience's eventual concern for a compelling story within the movie.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-43323149467571410672012-07-02T09:00:00.000-05:002012-07-02T09:00:04.958-05:00Miscellaneous Crumbs of Dialogue: The Good and the Crummy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Miscellaneous Crumbs of Dialogue: The Good and the Crummy</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by Silence Do_nothing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: You know what's good?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Water.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Nope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Someone's properly hydrated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Am I supposed to feel guilty about that?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I simply mean that you can only appreciate water when
you're thirsty.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: That's with everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I'd still rather have something than have appreciation for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I appreciate it so much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Are you thirsty now?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Then you can't properly value water.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Maybe if I convert to Shinto and pray to a river god or
something.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: That wouldn't help.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Shintophobe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 [<i>rolls eyes</i>]: I'm sure countless souls have found serenity
and a sense of purpose and meaning in Shinto.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They've been
a vibrant and vital segment of the community for generations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would not hesitate for one second to vote a Shinto practitioner into the White
House if he were the best qualified candidate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 [<i>puffs out chest</i>]: That’s right.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: But even hypothetical President Shinto would require a
parched throat to truly understand water's precious essence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: You're not looking to hit me up for a charity run for a
group that drills water wells in Africa, are you?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: No, why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you
against that?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Not the charitable work itself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Just stingy?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I don't like how those things are setup.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Hmmm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like what?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: That the runners' part is supposed to put them above
people who "only" donate money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know they do good and all, but- </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: When's the last time you donated money?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: That's not the point.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 [<i>rolls eyes</i>]: ...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: There's the general idea out there that volunteering is
superior to giving cash.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I'm sure they're very grateful for both.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I made my money myself, so when I donate-</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: If you donate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Oh, I will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just
so you can't hold this over me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: My chops busting serves the greater good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: It's not about "just writing a check."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to work to cover the checks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm donating time like a volunteer, but it's less direct.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Yeah, but it's not as though you're mining coal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: So.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have
to put up with a boss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Volunteers have supervisors.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: It's not the same.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: And the last time you volunteered was?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I don't need to to know that a charity's supervisor can't
afford to be nearly as big of a dick as a boss in a business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
charity isn't going to bitch at a volunteer for being two minutes late.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Well then set your alarm five minutes earlier, big baby.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I'm not-</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: And don't come in looking all hung over when you're late,
too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I'm not disputing that I deserve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you screw up, you get chewed out. I get
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when you're getting chewed out, and if you happen to be bad at
hiding the feelings that are betrayed by your facial expression -something that goes back to when you were
a kid and you kept getting in trouble<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>for "that look on your face", even though your muscles
were making that look without your knowledge or control- if you still haven't developed good enough control
to mask the emotions that force their way in when someone is belittling you, then you get to take more flak
for your attitude problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, fine
then. And when you can't produce as well as the others, even if it
burns you up that you can't and even if you hustle like someone who really cares, but because you
don't have a knack for it, you come up short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> This isn't a nursery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You're paid to produce results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
accept that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, I know that
someone working in a sweatshop would love to be in my shoes, and I
would have no right complain to one of them, but since you aren't one of them, I feel plenty of right to bitch
about it to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I know it sucks, but it has to be that way or everything
would fall to pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People are fundamentally lazy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I don't doubt that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It's just that volunteering doesn't come with that kind of crap so I
don't get how it is supposed to show more dedication or a truer act of
charity than "only writing a check."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I would imagine it's directed towards donors who come
from wealth and that for them, writing a check really is the easier way out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Maybe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I never knew you hated the job so much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Nah, it's not so bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mean, it's a job.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I guess.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Although, I will say -and this isn't just for this job in
particular, but for any one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my dream lottery scenario, if I won, I wouldn't quit-</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Oh right.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No, not because I'm Mr. Workaholic or I would feel unfulfilled
just lounging around all day. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I would love working I job I didn't need.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: "Take this job and shove it!"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No, I wouldn't even do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That lets them know they're getting to
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wouldn't be a jerk to people or goof off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
would take my duties seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wouldn't try to get fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
wouldn't respond to the threat of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The boss could go ballistic and I would calmly shrug it off because I wouldn't really need him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don't care about sports cars, or fancy jewelry or home theaters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> Indifference to the boss's wrath would be the one luxury I'd
look forward to.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Are we including liquor?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: It would be crazy to stop just when I could start to
afford the good stuff. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I figured as much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I know that breaks your heart when I could be going bananas
on just like pallets and pallets of Perrier.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Actually, I'll grant you that liquor is a more reasonable
purchase than bottled water.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Victory!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Tap water quenches just as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alcohol production does require craftsmanship. Water's water.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: How could you turn your back on the sacred waters?.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I never said that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: You acted like it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: The bone of contention was more to do with the inability
to judge it when fully refreshed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wouldn't have argued with your opinion, even if it still contradicted
mine, if you gave it after forgoing water for ten hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or
after eating half a slice of pizza.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: How do I know you're fit to judge?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I had pizza for lunch so I'm going to have Sahara thirst
for the next twenty-four hours no matter how many gallons of water I down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Then don't eat pizza, you baby.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Oh no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's worth
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A good restaurant pizza.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Sure, who doesn't like pizza?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that had been your answer you would have
gotten no argument from me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: That's why booze is such a waste.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: For a tea-totaler like you, but not for normal people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I know pizza can be pricey, but not compared to
alcohol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think how much delicious restaurant
pizza you could get for what you waste on liquor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I spend it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don't waste it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Do you regret spending it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I'm going to spend more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: But do you regret it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: It's hard for me to say I regret something I do over and
over and that I know I'm going to keep doing over and over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: When you were hung-over on Saturday, did you regret it
then?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 [<i>smiles</i>]:...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: See.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much did
you blow on shots?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I happily paid eighty bucks for them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Happily?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Well, willingly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: So you paid eighty dollars to make yourself sick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No. I paid eighty dollars plus a hangover to feel really
good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: You could have gotten four large pizzas for that!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or three pizza and several bags of peanut
butter cups.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can't forget
desert.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: What about the water wells for Africa?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: You brought that into the conversation, but I won't
discourage charity as an alternative to your liquor money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's
what I assume you were referring to when you asked me what was good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Oh really.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I'll admit that was looping through my head as background
noise, like usual.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: You're such a whino.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I was actually going to say that crumbs were good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: How are you going to argue against water when that's your
answer?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: People already know water's important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crumbs get a bad rap.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Then what you should've asked was "What's
underrated?"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Maybe the question could have been worded more precisely.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 [<i>rolls eyes</i>]:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Expound on the goodness of crumbs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: The crumbs on the bottom of Frosted Flakes and Doritos
are always the most flavorful part of the whole.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: That's it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Both of us were influenced by our choice of lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brought some Frosted Flakes and Doritos to
snack on for lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not all
of can afford pizza.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of us have liquor
habits to support.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Are you saying cookie crumbs are good?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Or potato chips?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Any crumbs besides Frosted Flakes and Doritos?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: None that I can think of at the moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: So good crumbs are actually a rarity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Yes, but still a reality than must be acknowledged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They're not all bad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: But they usually are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Yeah, usually.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I'm not even sure if we can speak to crumbs being rated
one way or the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless there's
some study about various cultures' attitudes towards crumbs that
I'm unaware of.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: It's a weird topic of conversation that's seldom if ever
touched on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't know how you gauge
it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: I was going with the negative connotation
"crummy" has.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Have you researched the etymology of the word?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 [<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shrugs</i>]: I mean
it might have to do with food crumbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I'm
thinking it's just as likely to refer to crumbling architecture.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Oh, really?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I'm guessing the word is old enough to go back to when
most people couldn't afford to scoff at crumbs of food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back when
you were grateful to have a moldy cockroach for supper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Well that is locally sourced.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Yeah, I'm not a believer in your crumb barometer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Whatever it started from originally, I still think people
today associate it with food, so I need to introduce a more positive meaning as part of the
rehabilitation of crumbs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: So you want to change it to its opposite?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: People did it with the word "literally".</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: It seems like a waste of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nobody uses "crummy" nowadays
anyways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless you're <i>Leave it To Beaver</i> cosplayers, maybe. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Even then, I couldn't ask them to introduce an
anachronism by insisting on my definition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You have to respect the integrity of the characters.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: I suppose crumb fandom is innocuous next to alcohol.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: It's not an either-or proposition for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: You're going to call off on Saturday again, aren't you?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: You know it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2: Which means that I must condemn your crummy, in the
conventional sense, work ethic, but applaud your<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> crummy, in your reformed sense, candor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1: Then screw you and thank you.</div>Silence Do_nothinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13088460173865963233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-30464942127736451432012-06-28T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-28T09:00:06.946-05:00Beneath the Darkness (2011)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLycl78qwoNjfZB0SgYUAxDWfAPXdVKL4n6I0so5WQ0v3etmGRptFj0N42VlzqHt9T83GeX976iaMxtmqHAQf_EWfq_3dGvvOxx1n2UPXn3b-Hj5IChnLObzTgeNcvCg4XOW0R9QZN3kk/s1600/beneath-the-darkness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLycl78qwoNjfZB0SgYUAxDWfAPXdVKL4n6I0so5WQ0v3etmGRptFj0N42VlzqHt9T83GeX976iaMxtmqHAQf_EWfq_3dGvvOxx1n2UPXn3b-Hj5IChnLObzTgeNcvCg4XOW0R9QZN3kk/s640/beneath-the-darkness.jpg" width="454" /></a></div> I guess I am a bit of a fan of Dennis Quaid. If I were to look at it objectively, I would realize that there is no reason to be. Sure, there are films like <i><b>Breaking Away</b></i> (1979), <i><b>The Right Stuff</b></i> (1983), <i><b>D.O.A.</b></i> (1988), and <i><b>Smart People</b></i> (2008) that are in the decent to great range where Quaid's performance matters. But there are many more awful – albeit some in a very enjoyable way – movies featuring Quaid. The brief list is <i><b>Jaws 3D</b></i> (1983), <i><b>Enemy Mine</b></i> (1985; I respect what they were going for, but <i><b>Enemy Mine </b></i>drags for its entire running time), <i><b>Innerspace</b></i> (1987), <i><b>Flesh and Bone</b></i> (1993), <i><b>DragonHeart</b></i> (1996; now, if you didn't go in expecting the action movie the trailers promised, you are likely to view <i><b>DragonHeart</b></i> as a fun fantasy action-comedy with <i>heart</i>), <i><b>Switchback</b></i> (1997), <i><b>Traffic</b></i> (2000; I know <i><b>Traffic</b></i> was widely praised, but I found it to be a disaster that was simultaneously too obvious and lacking in having a substantive point addressed by the material), <i><b>Cold Creek Manor</b></i> (2003), <i><b>The Day After Tomorrow</b></i> (2004), <i><b>Flight of the Phoenix</b></i> (2004), the remake of <i><b>Yours, Mine, and Ours</b></i> (2005), <i><b>Vantage Point</b> </i>(2005; I don't want to fault Quaid for the overall quality of the film – the plot is just rife with holes), <i><b>Legion </b></i>(2009), and <i><b>G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra</b></i> (2009; see <i><b>Vantage Point</b></i> for fitting criticism). But there is something likeable about Quaid, a rough charisma that works when he is the man forced into the 'heroic' role. As a villain, he has a tendency to overact to the point of ridiculousness.<br />
Put <i><b>Beneath the Darkness</b></i> (2011) in that category. Quaid plays Ely Vaughn, who runs the local funeral parlor in a Texas small town. It being in Texas is kind of thrown in as an aside, as no one has much of a Texan accent (from any part of the state) and the people certainly don't seem as devoted to high school football as they are suggested to be by TV, movies, and real life. The sheriff does where a cowboy hat, but a lot of lower budget movies struggle to find distinctive headwear for small town sheriffs. Anyway, Ely is mildly creepy guy who recently lost his wife. Well, she is dead but decidedly not lost. Movie wouldn't work if she were dead and lost.<br />
Ely is also a kind of obsessive whose tendencies are restricted to one particular province of his life. While I'm sure somebody thought this was a good idea – because many obsessives can lead functional lives – it plays as both false and as being an obvious plot device. What kind of guy would Ely be if he didn't keep his dead wife's body around for company? What movie would there be?<br />
Chances are, a much better one. Much of the time given to the Ely character is utterly wasted, especially given how Quaid has no consistent physicality for the character. Is he the guy who can shrink into himself, blend in to a crowd, and appear to be the mild-mannered minder of the dead, or the brute who can lift a high school athlete off his feet by grabbing him – one-handed – about the neck? Similarly, the teen protagonists/potential victims are given a fair amount of screen time only to be developed in clichéd broad strokes. Even the circumstances that should make Travis (Tony Oller) unique come across like they were borrowed from <i><b>The X-Files</b></i> (1993-2002) and number of supernatural themed low-budget horror movie.<br />
For some reason, it isn't supposed to matter that Travis steals the star QB/kind-of-friend's girlfriend. Now, if I am going to be honest in my recollection, my friends in high school didn't mind going after girls other guys (even friends) were dating. How much more miserable would I be today if I had followed that route? But seldom is this kind of behavior endorsed as being appropriate for teen heroes in a (soft) horror film. The girlfriend in question is Abby, played by Aimee Teegarden. Teegarden comes across as the kind of actress forced upon audiences, the kind that is serviceable but not quite ready for a good deal of screen time. Moreover, she comes across as though she were playing an updated Topanga Lawrence from <i><b>Boy Meets World</b></i> (1993-2000).<br />
The are holes in the story that could have been covered with better dialogue and maybe two days of reshoots. Instead, they stand as a testament that <i><b>Beneath the Darkness</b></i> was operating well beneath the desired budget. The action, what little there is, is lifeless; the suspense nonexistent. There are worse movies, certainly, but few that seem to be fighting every chance to elevate themselves from sub-mediocrity every step of the way. I'm not sure <i><b>Beneath the Darkness</b></i> has enough of its various elements to satisfy any crowd. It is too soft for horror fans, too lacking in suspense for thriller junkies, and too stingy with the emotions of the teens to satisfy younger viewers. Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-17759607328296658902012-06-27T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-27T09:00:12.115-05:00Writing Popular Fiction (1974)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimmKCfuq0kTF_6y3VQdXbHctepXD53ZF8TJNbkND2uTaoNficpy-wYvnGeTXy4ysYXt7atcK9rjakXoysc2Hhl3kPOMBugFAe0OVpoI0naWyypV0S4nGm4vjXtVWIz2TSPh1wVi2tFUu0/s1600/Writing+Popular+Fiction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimmKCfuq0kTF_6y3VQdXbHctepXD53ZF8TJNbkND2uTaoNficpy-wYvnGeTXy4ysYXt7atcK9rjakXoysc2Hhl3kPOMBugFAe0OVpoI0naWyypV0S4nGm4vjXtVWIz2TSPh1wVi2tFUu0/s400/Writing+Popular+Fiction.jpg" width="258" /></a></div> A lot has changed since the mid-1970s, especially if one is writing about that period while still cognizant of the lingering impact of the late-1960s. It would be wrong to think that the market for fiction is anywhere near the same. While the shift is likely less jarring than the pre- to post-Hemingway era of American literature, genre fiction – the subject of Dean R. Koontz's <u><b>Writing Popular Fiction</b></u> (1974) – one must consider how different the world is the more recent <i>now</i>.<br />
Koontz was writing about a world where Peter Benchley's <u><b>Jaws</b></u> was just released as a book and had not become the first modern blockbuster. George Lucas had made two films at that point, <i><b>THX 1138</b></i> (1971) and <b><i>American Graffiti</i></b> (1973); there was no such thing as <i><b>Star Wars</b></i> (1977). <i><b>Star Trek</b></i> (1966-69) was a show that had a decent run on network television and had not yet emerged as a presence in syndication. The use of vampires in successful fiction wouldn't emerge until Stephen King penned <u><b>'Salem's Lot</b></u> in 1975, and it would not be until Anne Rice brought the <i>sexy</i> vampire back with <u><b>Interview with a Vampire</b></u> (1976) that the undead got to be in something more than a sub-category of the horror genre. Cable television had been around for 25 years but was still something more common in remote rural areas than the sameness of suburbia. Satellite television existed; it had its first single purpose satellite launched in '74. The personal computer was effectively unknown. The VCR existed, but was extremely expensive. It wouldn't be until 1975 that Betamax came on the scene and allowed for the average person to record broadcast television or watch movies at home at one's leisure. Hell, print magazines were still a major and viable outlet for a writer to submit fiction.<br />
Koontz lists seven categories of genre fiction: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Suspense, Mysteries, Gothic-Romance, Westerns, and Erotica. I would argue that Sci-Fi (wildly expanded over what it was by the mid-1970s, for better or worse), Fantasy, Suspense (still very strong), Mystery (Koontz writes about the more traditional, Agatha Christie style mystery, which has been superseded by a more active plot structure since the early 1990s at least), Gothic-Romance (this is a chaste kind of romance, part Brontë sisters' young girl sent off to live in a strange house and long for the unobtainable man, part supernatural mystery; my understanding is that this market died before the 1970s were over), Westerns (another genre that has widely gone by the wayside; it takes a very well-written book to garner any attention beyond people who go purposely looking for a Western; however, the more modern Western follows a much different plot structure where a man can be a man instead of a slave to the modern world), and Erotica (Koontz divides this category into the Big Sexy Novel and the Rough Sexy Novel; the former category includes everything from the <i>bodice-ripper</i> romance novels of the 1980s and 1990s to the sex-filled stories of Jacquelin Suzanne or Harold Robbins, and even more, while Rough Sexy is effectively porn). To his credit, I think that Koontz did a fantastic job of delineating the categories and his understanding of them. I could not think of a kind of genre fiction that would not fit in these groups (though as noted, I believe the Gothic Romance is dead). More to the point, Koontz, who was not yet 30 when he wrote <u><b>Writing Popular Fiction</b></u>, clearly understood all of the genres and the necessary elements to make one acceptable to a publisher.<br />
Koontz is a little too eager to go to numbered lists (this is more of a personal complaint, because if one is keeping the book handy as a resource then this tactic is fine, but it gets cumbersome if one is just reading through the book as a book). Then, when doing so would make the most sense, he avoids the tactic and just lists the information with paragraph breaks. It feels a little odd, but once I understood that he was going to change it up whenever he felt like it, I became much less concerned about it.<br />
One of the better parts of any book on writing is how many forgotten (or at least unknown to me if they have remained popular) books the author mentions as good examples of the genres. For the most part, Koontz rattles off well-known and renowned titles and authors, though in some instances he seems to be well ahead of his time. He praises Lucas' <i><b>THX 1138</b></i> as being one of the two worthwhile (meaning not derivative) science fiction movies, which is impressive mostly because <i>nobody saw <b>THX 1138</b> when it was released</i>. Still, it became quite clear that not only was Koontz very well read, he also had no problem throwing other writers <i>under the bus</i> when it came to their abilities and works. This stood in odd contrast to his straight-out advice that a writer is better served by writing sub-standard, by the numbers genre fiction to earn a paycheck than in taking a 9 to 5 job and neglecting writing for even a few short months.<br />
Koontz also gives great insight into why the authors of the era were so eager to use pen names. This always confused me, but apparently there was a prevailing belief that an author could compete with himself (or herself) instead of a loyal following buying more books by the same author. Likewise, there were genres (this may still be the case) where the audience was thought to only endorse on gender of author – Westerns needed to be written by men, Gothic Romances only by women – and an author often took a name for each genre in which he or she worked. It still seems crazy to me, but Koontz does an excellent job of explaining that when the publisher tells you to use a different name if you want the advance check, do it. <br />
According to Koontz, a good story needs:<br />
❶ A Strong Plot<br />
❷ A Hero or Heroine<br />
❸ Clear, Believable Motivation<br />
❹ A Great Deal of Action<br />
❺ A Colorful Background<br />
That all seems super-obvious, doesn't it? Yet there are several stories I'd love to develop that I have have yet to figure out how to move the plot to the forefront of the tale. I have been known to try to force weak or unlikeable characters into the main role. I cannot remember I time I did not try to hide the characters motivations. I love restricting action (for no reason). And I am weak at describing the alien (Science Fiction or Fantasy) settings, or in bringing out the particulars of an environment and making the story come alive because of them. It is all simple advice, but sometimes I need to be clobbered over the head with it.<br />
My overall reaction to this book is positive. I think I would enjoy a conversation with Koontz more than his books (and non-fiction to his fiction), but he clearly has mastered the craft of getting the readable, serviceable story in print quickly. Dated, sure, but worthwhile.<br />
<br />
Here are some of the fun bits I marked:<br />
<br />
Koontz wondering about the future for a science fiction novel: <span style="color: red;">Will marijuana be legal?</span> p. 18<br />
<br />
History lesson on American politics: <span style="color: red;">In a short novel, appropriately enough titled </span><i style="color: red;">If This Goes On...</i><span style="color: red;">, Robert Heinlein writes of a future in which the church's tax-exempt status and the gullibility of the masses propel a backwoods evangelist into national politics and, eventually, a religious dictatorship that covers North America. Heinlein's argument that the church should not be given an inch of influence in government, lst it take a mile, is given plausibility by the manner in which churches, in recent years, have pyramided their moral influence over government into a multi-million-dollar-a-year pro-church lobby in Washington.</span> p. 21<br />
<br />
Just kind of funny: <span style="color: red;">For example, if you were primarily concerned with writing about the total failure of law and order in the city streets after dark by the year 1990...</span> p. 22 (I had forgotten how focused on urban decay 1970s Sci-Fi was.)<br />
<br />
Avoid cliched plots: <span style="color: red;">Do not, for example, propose "secret organizations" who are out to overthrown some government and destroy the world. Only governments themselves have the power to destroy the world. And organizations out to overthrow governments are usually not secret, though their machinations may be. ...</span><i style="color: red;">Never</i><span style="color: red;"> propose a villain who, </span><i style="color: red;">single-handedly</i><span style="color: red;">, sets out to destroy the world, no matter how wealthy or resourceful he may be.</span> p. 78 (People still violate this all the time, and it is sad that it has endured.)<br />
<br />
On p. 83, Koontz misunderstands the duties of the Secret Service while criticizing authors who misunderstand the duties of the Secret Service (he states they <i>only</i> protect the President and candidates).<br />
<br />
The unlikable narrator: <span style="color: red;">There is no hard and fast rule for this, in any genre; every story demands its own voice. However, a good rule of thumb is to use third person for a story whose hero is hard-bitten and extremely competent. A first person narrative by such a hero, in which he must regularly comment on his own prowess and cunning, may seem ludicrous to the reader. He may dislike the hero and, therefore, the entire novel.</span> (This is how I felt about <u><b>Patient Zero</b></u>.)<br />
<br />
Best title for a book some should be ashamed to be seen reading: <span style="color: red;">Thirteen and Ready!</span> p. 148<br />
<br />
Koontz on Women Readers: <span style="color: red;">Many women who read the Big Sexy Novel are terrified of divorce and, rather than seeing it as an answer to the problem, might find it a frightening and depressing non-conclusion. This might change, too, in coming years, as more and more women realize their value, as people, outside of the institution of marriage.</span> p. 144<br />
<br />
Keep it simple: <span style="color: red;">The vocabulary of the BigSN should always be simple. The fewer multi-syllabic words you use, the better. This does not mean that the BigSN reader has a more limited vocabulary than other genre readers; however, most BigSN want a book that can be read at the beach, over several evenings, between household chores–in short, a book that is interesting but not so demanding that it must be read carefully and in as few sittings as possible.</span> p. 146<br />
<br />
Respect the rules: <span style="color: red;">Writers break rules and still get published all the time. But these are writers who have published, for the most part, numerous other books: people who have learned all the rules, have proved they can use them successfully time and again, and have therefore earned the right to break a tradition or two.</span> p. 151<br />
<br />
Don't write in a particular dated style: <span style="color: red;">Finally, avoid using the observer frame for your story, in which the first person narrator prefaces and ends the story with statements that this was the way he saw it all happen. This technique, made popular by Conan Doyle in his Sherlock Holmes stories, renders the plot all past even, one long flashback, and it robs the story of its immediacy.</span> p. 166<br />
<br />
Style: <span style="color: red;">...[I]f you are trying to write </span><i style="color: red;">beautiful</i><span style="color: red;"> prose full of catchy similes and metaphors and other figures of speech, you have reached a point where you should stop and reconsider what you are doing. Whether or not you recognize it, you have your own voice already, one the reader will identify as yours, and you have only to let it grown of its own accord.</span> p. 166<br />
<br />
Style: <span style="color: red;">There is one rule of style that every writer can benefit from: say it a simply, as clearly , and as shortly as possible.</span> p. 167<br />
<br />
Style: <span style="color: red;">Economy of language is the most important stylistic goal.</span> p. 170Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-8718868023178268302012-06-25T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-25T09:00:01.907-05:00Vote Fascist<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4M5CQR_fAhH2OWkkqJxq__t02NLt-spUtD6TURfkk0kh01tw_mFPTkuNjoe7lE6TVNhEv3spZyOJ-N16uDngttEZN42eiC7iSb-OrGfd8tOu050h-mA1NuLoh9UdtnIW_Mnz2YM_iahU/s1600/Vote+Fascist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4M5CQR_fAhH2OWkkqJxq__t02NLt-spUtD6TURfkk0kh01tw_mFPTkuNjoe7lE6TVNhEv3spZyOJ-N16uDngttEZN42eiC7iSb-OrGfd8tOu050h-mA1NuLoh9UdtnIW_Mnz2YM_iahU/s1600/Vote+Fascist.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Fascism gets a bad rap. It should. It is a rather oppressive form of government, one that favors militarization and has inherent in its existence a sense of racial/national superiority (given that there doesn't seem to be any objective reason to support racial/national superiority, the latter component is just irrational). The only benefit Fascism has as a government type in Civ III is that it allows for endless war without losing the support of the people. War sure seems like fun when it is other people's lives, fake people. People who exist only in terms of numbers, or solely on film or in print. A war that goes on forever should be looked upon as something that, if not bad, is likely far from good.<br />
I made up a batch of "Vote Fascist" buttons back in 2003 or 2004. I had borrowed a button maker from a co-worker (who in turn borrowed it from his soon-to-be fiancée) to make silly little buttons and button shaped magnets for things vaguely related to <i>Living Arcanis</i>. I still have a few of those, sadly. The idea of the Fascist Party encouraging active voting seemed to me – at the time – the height of irony. It isn't, of course, but I do think there is some commentary to be grafted onto something so simple as a button that reads "Vote Fascist". <br />
Around Chicago, the "Vote Fascist" button got a few raised eyebrows, but mostly sly nods as though whoever read it was in on the same joke. People on the far Right saw it as a message critiquing the Left, and the far Left saw it as a simple explanation of where the far (Christian) Right wanted to go. It isn't as though either major party candidate in '04 could have been proud to think that a supporter was getting the message out by saying that 'We, the American people, should vote our rights away and install a militaristic regime that will take control of our lives in ways we never dared imagine a generation earlier.' Of course now I think the moderates on both sides try to make that argument about the opposition. <br />
Down in Florida, fifty nine years after World War II came to an end – and with a sizable contingent of folks who actually fought against Fascists living there – the button was seen as the ultimate slap in the face of men whose service and sacrifice (it was entirely men who had a savage reaction to it) ended Mussolini's and Hitler's respective reigns. <i>The Greatest Generation</i> didn't earn that monicker for a deep and abiding love of irony. Things were (and I suppose are, to those still living) supposed to be straight forward and as honest as circumstances politely allowed. I don't think that is better, since that generation also had some pretty strong support for racial segregation, not exposing child molestation, and holding a worldview where there is something inherent in the American character that makes he or she better than any other kind of person. A soft bigotry, sure, but bigotry nonetheless.<br />
Anyway, I am getting a little upset that I haven't posting anything in a short while. I have a couple of movies that just didn't sit right with me (one felt rushed, the other was just...what is the right way to describe something that is a failure on every level except for lighting?) and some books that I haven't addressed. But mostly I have been spending too much time mucking around with a game that is only supposed to be enjoyed on brief spurts (and when all other work is done). <br />
Real posts are coming. I promise.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG2Of6EWyYC28nj4vnd_QAvZeYfOCB-h04dY_7e1YWwuEi5ae5sCReOJiRTATa-b3dw9RfvSFzHKms705PPpVg1fDkCdGyth2xIasad-VOpNlj3Z6j3wWDKQOkjGQe_71zwm6Ufo1BIAs/s1600/Vote+Fascist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG2Of6EWyYC28nj4vnd_QAvZeYfOCB-h04dY_7e1YWwuEi5ae5sCReOJiRTATa-b3dw9RfvSFzHKms705PPpVg1fDkCdGyth2xIasad-VOpNlj3Z6j3wWDKQOkjGQe_71zwm6Ufo1BIAs/s1600/Vote+Fascist.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The last surviving "Vote Fascist" button. Might move it to one of the hats so I can sport it around town this summer. Wonder what kind of reaction it would get almost ten years later.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-81185177350352223492012-06-21T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-21T09:00:00.772-05:00There will be posts Spent the better part of the last two days sorting out what unit animations I have just for the Chariot, Archer, and Spearman units for the Civ III rebuild. I had completely forgotten how much work went into getting it done the first time. I am dreading the point when I get to the air units and likely won't have the energy to do it correctly (the learned trick is to leave slots for units to be put in the right upgrade location and edit later).<br />
I do have one movie and about three books waiting for reviews (such as they are). There may be one tomorrow.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-22401693808588137842012-06-15T09:00:00.006-05:002012-06-15T09:00:07.140-05:00Happy Birthday, Blog.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIyHN1R7gOGAKeD1exaykgJjn4jGUSV2bCLMMrDAmL21jGT4W1gDY4Xu1TZGnXU67L7jSgYU97Gp8NHcCzcychRD76JzIcwwqWWI6IWIGOXDrl8qkcA9I2a7fw4cT0wRR4a1r5W6knDo4/s1600/happy-birthday-donald-duck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIyHN1R7gOGAKeD1exaykgJjn4jGUSV2bCLMMrDAmL21jGT4W1gDY4Xu1TZGnXU67L7jSgYU97Gp8NHcCzcychRD76JzIcwwqWWI6IWIGOXDrl8qkcA9I2a7fw4cT0wRR4a1r5W6knDo4/s1600/happy-birthday-donald-duck.jpg" /></a></div> I have apparently been doing this for a year. In many ways it feels much longer. That may because the focus of the blog has shifted quite a few times (or maybe it never had any kind of focus and I just imagine that it was closer to what I thought it would be from time to time). Or it may be because of how it started.<br />
I really just wanted a place to put some thoughts regarding the movies I was watching on <b style="color: red;">Netflix</b>. Seeing as how I closed that account on 6 July, 2011, it wouldn't have been inconceivable for me to just close shop on this fledgeling enterprise and just ruminate on films and such with no outlet. That seemed like a worse option at the time.<br />
The second post-Netflix post was my paper on Steven Pfiel. It is undoubtedly the most read thing I have written since a very short, not entirely clear short story ended up in the RSI updates for the Hyborian War play-by-mail game in 1992. I didn't get paid for either, but that isn't the point. I tried to use the blog as a means to make sure that I could get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis. That wasn't always successful. I have quite a few posts that are old school papers or transcriptions of things written well before the time of the blog.<br />
Still, it did get me back to writing. Losing the <b>Netflix</b> account meant not having access to the streaming documentaries, and that got me to stop watching documentaries. That is the lamentable part. Less bothersome is the severe reduction in the amount of time spent watching movies or old television shows for no purpose other than distraction. Watching complete seasons of recent shows was never going to serve as inspiration for writing, at least not original fiction. No, with the amount of time freed up by not watching a movie a day I was able to actually start reading in earnest. They say you have to read if you want to write.<br />
And I have been writing. Not that much of it is of the quality that I want to share with people. There is at least one short story on the blog that I wish I had given more than a cursory revision. At the same time, I have over a dozen pieces that have been frozen by my need to rip them apart before they are finished. But I feel that I have not been able to give the time to the writing that I would like. Sad as it is, the limited moments here and there this thing requires sometimes interferes with the scheduled time for writing (and more often, with the fits of inspiration where story ideas get sketched out).<br />
So I am going to step back from the Monday-Friday posting schedule here. At least for a while. I'm still going to post things, thoughts on movies (I'd love to get back to the more complete reviews that fell by the wayside), books, and television. I'm sure I'll have a few thoughts on the campaigning for the Presidency of the United States of America. But my goal is to start getting the fiction into focus. Probably posting the almost-finished versions here so that my few followers can see that I am working on something.<br />
At the same time, I very much want to keep this as a place where I can put things up that are all about me. Or at least in part about me. I have a rather long piece about what it was like to live with my father (while he was living) that is just screaming for photos – proof that I am neither lying nor exaggerating – I would like to share with the world. Not that there is reciprocal interest in it. Or most anything here.<br />
But it is a year's worth of work here to date. And seeing how the first sixteen days of the blog's existence (June 2011) garnered 59 views, I am surprised I found the strength to keep going. This was never meant to be a mostly private, yet somehow public, endeavor. Hell, part of me hopes that certain people (who have decided to not maintain a cordial relationship with me) can read a few posts and get pissed off all over again. <br />
So...that is my long way of explaining that the schedule is going to become erratic for a while. Maybe a short while. Maybe longer. There will definitely be posts coming. They just won't be rushed out because of a deadline. For now. <br />
And at the same time, I want to throw open the gates and get a few more contributors to break up the monotony of me-think. We'll see if I can convince anyone else to join in this meager endeavor. It certainly would make the place more interesting. Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-23565317721462605292012-06-14T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-14T09:00:09.733-05:00Fifteen Books<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfQZwZ5ndc_RMNOiCeM_4XAhyphenhyphenqVnHHzshxcXNQva9cfmuV1FTfsdK4CXsYh2uw6T1jVt4gZR7J2L_HdbqpXu5Xesceq4kdo5HHH7f8yiB3lb9vbG9vY0ug1kd6yOfyUa1QbU1mSPKDpg/s1600/Books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfQZwZ5ndc_RMNOiCeM_4XAhyphenhyphenqVnHHzshxcXNQva9cfmuV1FTfsdK4CXsYh2uw6T1jVt4gZR7J2L_HdbqpXu5Xesceq4kdo5HHH7f8yiB3lb9vbG9vY0ug1kd6yOfyUa1QbU1mSPKDpg/s400/Books.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> Are you well read? I am certainly not, though there has been a concerted effort to go from the stage of reading less than six new books a year (let's call that from 2000-2009) – though to be fair, I did re-read a number of books during that period – to actually reading more than one per month; the goal has become to read at least four books per month. If I could keep up the rate I have going for this year (I cannot, because it is inflated with many short books), I would read 936 books over the course of a decade. That seems like a lot of reading to me. I'll be happy if I pass 1,000 total before I die. Well, no I won't, because the specter of death will be forever before me until I'm dead, at which point all of <i>everything</i> just won't matter. But I will be momentarily pleased that I managed to take in some of what the written word had to offer in my time amongst the living.<br />
But for as much as I may be reading this year, it occurs to me that I may not be reading the books that everyone is, or rather the ones they have already read (because I wasn't much of a reader before I took a decade off). There are so many books out there that I sometime wonder how – school assignments aside – we end up reading the same material. I know that I only came to read Michael Crichton's <u><b>Jurassic Park</b></u> (1990) because the paperback release had a stand at the front of Crown (or was it Walden?) Books in the Orland Square mall for something close to six months. Somewhere along the line I figured that people must be buying it (presumably reading it as well) if they kept the stand up. So I borrowed a copy, ruined it via a leaky bottle of contacts solution, replaced the original and bought one for myself and finished it in what was for me short order. Then the movie ruined everything – including, I assume, people's desire to read the novel.<br />
What I have come up with here is my best guess at the fifteen books I have read which I suspect most of the people with whom I associate (for better or worse) have read. No particular order. <br />
☞ The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy<br />
☞ The Hobbit<br />
☞ Fahrenheit 451<br />
☞ A Doll's House<br />
☞ The Adventures of Tom Sawyer<br />
☞ The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn<br />
☞ Treasure Island<br />
☞ The Great Gatsby<br />
☞ The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde<br />
☞ Lord of the Flies<br />
☞ The Glass Menagerie<br />
☞ Heart of Darkness<br />
☞ The Pearl<br />
☞ Ethan Frome<br />
☞ The Red Badge of Courage<br />
But I am more curious as to what books other people assume that other people have read. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-6792722157999232412012-06-13T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-13T09:00:12.917-05:00Haywire (2011)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9wRL6cjjYeQj6gJzOr3CX5ZDrxSSsU0HKopwysTzfuhBPHQn8Vw5_xDc_iQf5VDqIY0Y9_sR7FKadX3uo7ZrIvDIUlCHyNkCj0nrS3wRSMq0PQBNCPwECRSWRGj-6AE67R1FsD4Hd6o/s1600/Haywire+DVD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9wRL6cjjYeQj6gJzOr3CX5ZDrxSSsU0HKopwysTzfuhBPHQn8Vw5_xDc_iQf5VDqIY0Y9_sR7FKadX3uo7ZrIvDIUlCHyNkCj0nrS3wRSMq0PQBNCPwECRSWRGj-6AE67R1FsD4Hd6o/s640/Haywire+DVD.jpg" width="456" /></a></div> This is the kind of movie where the critical part of my brain would prohibit any level of enjoyment. Because having hot coffee thrown in your eyes will leave you (at the very least) momentarily blinded. That isn't a question of will. You can't just decide that it doesn't affect you because you are <i>USMC-tough</i>. No, I pretty much went with where Steven Soderburgh wanted to go in <i><b>Haywire</b></i> (2011) because it required less effort than noting what the superspy/assassin can do because she is <i>the best</i>. If I learned anything from the action movies of the 1980s, it was that there doesn't have to be any relationship between the real world and what the action hero does, so long as it looks cool.<br />
For the most part, <i><b>Haywire</b></i> does just that. It has the just-obvious-enough edits that sell the practicality (instead of camera trickery or CG shenanigans) of the fight scenes. Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) is able to survive a blow that should crush both cervical and thoracic vertebrae, stay conscious and combat effective after being repeatedly punched (full force) in the face by a much larger opponent, and braid her hair (for combat effectiveness?) in a matter of mere minutes because it is simply more interesting than the alternative. If Mallory is knocked out in the opening scene, then there isn't much of a movie. Unless Soderburgh was going to give an audience a torture sequence like the one in <i><b>Casino Royale</b></i> (2006), and that really would be torture-porn. I'm glad he went the more conventional route.<br />
I found myself mostly enjoying the quick pace, the lack of any real connection of the events to a sensible plot (for any of the major characters), and the soundtrack. <i><b>Haywire</b></i> has quite possibly the best action film music (discounting Sword & Sorcery fare) I have heard in the last ten years. It helps drive the action forward, and even to hide how normal (safe) the camera shots are. Now, if I wanted to think about it, I am positive I would have a long list of problems with the movie. But it isn't something to think about. See. Enjoy. Delete from memory banks. That is how I feel about <i><b>Haywire</b></i>. It is a diversion that is not likely to do more than make one think Carano can fight (which she had already proved before getting into acting) or notice that Bill Paxton no longer resembles Hudson from <i><b>Aliens</b></i> (1986) at all, even while you know that it is him.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-76141089962829048432012-06-12T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-12T09:00:04.833-05:00Planet of the Apes (1963)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzwCglTFxLY-RkRNLwpxg-T5VI8IJJcNk8jzICbcOYtWHyQt01yHhbwOEnUD5SvDcEtJnuIKklW0oUgghKs7gblpZpu5mUsV18r3Hyej9Kz9TRYjh0O0CxT0XnLHm3tAR8oILpwE0u54c/s1600/Planet+of+the+Apes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzwCglTFxLY-RkRNLwpxg-T5VI8IJJcNk8jzICbcOYtWHyQt01yHhbwOEnUD5SvDcEtJnuIKklW0oUgghKs7gblpZpu5mUsV18r3Hyej9Kz9TRYjh0O0CxT0XnLHm3tAR8oILpwE0u54c/s400/Planet+of+the+Apes.jpg" width="280" /></a></div> I have to wonder what it would be like to be able to read Pierre Boulle's <u><b>Planet of the Apes</b></u> (1963) in its original French. Knowing only enough of the language to be able to fumble my way through the label on a package of cheese (this actually was useful at the previous job), it would be impossible for me to be able to handle something as simple as a picture book in French. Actually, in most any language other than English. Still, there is an air of something – a kind of self-possessed importance – that permeates the book, both in the overstated purposeful way that space-faring journalist Ulysee Mérou carries his indignation and in the general attitude that Boulle seems to have towards mankind's achievements in general. In my limited experience, this <i>feels</i> very French.<br />
From the format that apes the Victorian through Pulp-era adventure stories to the experience of a learned man stranded amongst alien others (and cared for by a wise and kind female), much of <u><b>Planet of the Apes</b></u> comes off like a refutation of the points made in Charlotte Perkins Gilman's <u><b>Herland</b></u> (1915). The French are not renowned for being progressive (as a society) in regards to gender roles – see Sartre's commentary on how women tricked men into running the world – and Boulle repeatedly hammers home the superiority of man the gender (perhaps man the species as well, at least when compared to apes). Naming the planet Soror (Latin for sister...thanks, Wikipedia!), Boulle is not trying to hide the parallels. Instead, he paints a horrific vision of general society and what happens when one is pulled from the top level of civilization.<br />
Other than struggle with his commentaries on humanity, the false promise of feminine progressiveness, and the existential quandaries that come from being forced to doubt one's place in the universe, Boulle manages a rather decent piece of low-action adventure science fiction. I suspect that enough of the rhythm of the language is lost that is seems more pedestrian in English, but that is a guess. I'd like to think it was more profound, more earth-shattering in its unique vision when it first was published. It seems that Boulle wants to hint at and dance around the issues rather than confront them, even in an oblique manner.<br />
Now, I am extremely biased on the subject. Franklin J. Schaffer's <i><b>Planet of the Apes</b></i> (1968) is one of my all-time favorite films, one that is direct and forceful in the many commentaries it fires at the audience. It also has a much more American hero, one who is easy to hate while impossible not to view as humanity's most unlikely champion. That isn't what is embodied in the novel, and while part of me knows this is for the best, it left me feeling that Boulle did not completely capture the possibilities of his own story. At the same time, the many people who have adapted the "Apes" movies and TV series did their best to draw out the elements Boulle included. Indeed, the much despised shock-ending of Tim Burton's version of <i><b>Planet of the Apes</b></i> (2001) – one Kevin Smith stupidly claimed as having originated – is presupposed in the novel.<br />
<u><b>Planet of the Apes</b></u> will never replace the 1968 film in my heart. But I am glad that I took the time to read it. There is something worthwhile buried within it, sure, but it is (even as a translation) a fine book to read to break up the more serious titles.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-57815851454687712332012-06-11T09:00:00.001-05:002012-06-11T09:00:07.321-05:00John Carter (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiTpJqxaEwVYIn9oCmqOy1YI_ePdta7vkVa13EgT6TqIxcxM-mXn3SKwHU1kz1rXVm6DLgy1BLVcy0yslwbhLiAM8c845bRkMr2Wf9WBoDPcelu5pvpplLYSCAJ2kNXUEZHpmu-FuQxHA/s1600/Disney%2527s+John+Carter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiTpJqxaEwVYIn9oCmqOy1YI_ePdta7vkVa13EgT6TqIxcxM-mXn3SKwHU1kz1rXVm6DLgy1BLVcy0yslwbhLiAM8c845bRkMr2Wf9WBoDPcelu5pvpplLYSCAJ2kNXUEZHpmu-FuQxHA/s640/Disney%2527s+John+Carter.jpg" width="451" /></a></div> I get it now. I understand how Disney's <i><b>John Carter</b></i> (2012) failed to resonate with audiences and ended up as the most costly film venture in recent memory, surpassing <i><b>Waterworld</b></i> (1995) but not <i><b>Heaven's Gate</b></i> (1980) (because Disney still exists) when it comes to huge budget disasters. There was much chatter that if Disney had simply gone with Edgar Rice Burroughs' <u><b>A Princess of Mars</b></u> (1917) as the tile and advertised it in a serious manner (just where did Disney spend $100 million when the supposed target audience was barely aware of the movie, and not at all of its premise). I think the fundamental flaw with <i><b>John Carter</b></i> is that so many other films have already borrowed from the concept that it cannot help but look and feel derivative.<br />
Now, I am not a Burroughs fan. According to Dean R. Koontz (from his 1972 book <u><b>Writing Popular Fiction</b></u>), Burroughs was the most translated author of the 20th Century (again, through '72), so there were undoubtedly fans out there at one point. My exposure to him has been having the first two Tarzan books read to me (it was the whole class who got this treatment, and it happened in the 6th grade, so I still find it a little creepy) and the various film and TV incarnations of Tarzan. I am aware of much of the art inspired by the John Carter stories, and people started making <a href="http://forums.civfanatics.com/downloads.php?do=file&id=16840">Tharks</a>, <a href="http://forums.civfanatics.com/downloads.php?do=file&id=18879">thoats</a>, white apes, <a href="http://forums.civfanatics.com/showpost.php?p=10216367&postcount=1207">Dejah Thoris</a>, and <a href="http://forums.civfanatics.com/showpost.php?p=9574944&postcount=771">John Carter</a> animations for use in Civ III in coincidence with the movie's eventual release (most of these being converted from an existing game it seems). There should have been an interest in the character, but it also appears that people who are into the stories that brought adventure Sci-Fi into the 20th Century are about as numerous (and as self-important) as diehard Jazz enthusiasts. It is cool to see the futuristic fantasy images in a painting (I have not added any of the Barsoomian units to my Civ III games, though I have thought of using Dejah Thoris animation for the <i>king</i> unit for my civilization of Amazons), but I don't know how smart it is to design a film around of couple of cool images.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6cV7x6f7M2Lnc_utxjT27m16Y4LFgv2L0vvBMFheIjwc_PMvKU82jX5nKCgYsThLb-0c8FHYSre-Jzv-1aKS400PRFo_k4Yij5zJB9CbaZtYCzzVhMzABz3e4nfx5qc6eRdInV5RgjDI/s1600/Lynn+Collins+Dejah+Thoris.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6cV7x6f7M2Lnc_utxjT27m16Y4LFgv2L0vvBMFheIjwc_PMvKU82jX5nKCgYsThLb-0c8FHYSre-Jzv-1aKS400PRFo_k4Yij5zJB9CbaZtYCzzVhMzABz3e4nfx5qc6eRdInV5RgjDI/s200/Lynn+Collins+Dejah+Thoris.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lynn Collins as Dejah Thoris</td></tr>
</tbody></table> To be fair, when those shots to pop up in the movie, there is some undeniable charm and simultaneous cool factor immediately accessible to the viewer. In brief snippets, director Andrew Stanton and the thirteen person art direction team have provided a glimpse into not just the soul of the story, but why it should be so appealing to everyone. However, these are just snippets, and largely supplied by Lynn Collins ability to give the impression of a painting come to life (though not forced to wear a metal bikini or go topless – not unsurprising for a Disney release). These cannot overcome the obvious weaknesses the keep showing themselves.<br />
Let us first consider the casting of Taylor Kitsch. I am willing to admit my complete unfamiliarity with him prior to seeing <i><b>John Carter</b></i>, but with this, <i><b>Battleship</b></i> (2012), and the minimally viewed <i><b>Friday Night Lights</b></i> (2006-2011) as his major roles, I am hoping that his days as a forced-upon-the-audience-leading-man are over. He isn't a very good actor (not terrible or irredeemable), and spends much of <i><b>John Carter</b></i> fighting against a wig that changes color and looks like somebody glued rough shorn doll hair to his head and asked him to let it lifelessly dangle whenever possible. It is also readily apparent that Kitsch did a lot of working out during the length of filming as his musculature changes depending upon when the scene was shot. This isn't a huge deal, but many directors and actors learn to hide the early stages with less definition with clothing. Stanton decides to put a fit (but not yet buff) Kitsch into the shirtless scenes right off the bat. I found it a little distracting, but at the same time I am willing to admit this is a nit that needs no picking. Had I any rooting interest in the actor, I am sure I would have ignored it. But because I found Kitsch to be unable to make Carter a compelling character (I am going to have a few things to say about the writing in this regards), his shortcomings screamed out to me. <br />
Next, let us ponder why the need to insert Edgar Rice Burroughs as a character in the movie. Having not the books, I have no knowledge of whether this is appropriate. It didn't feel like it was, and the result is the forcing the obvious fiction into the reality of the man who wrote the story. Add to that that Burroughs seems like a bit of a geeky loser who would not have anything in common with his brooding uncle (yet the two somehow share a close relationship?). Burroughs the character seems to exist as an excuse to have the story related (this is more appropriate to late 18th and early 20th Century fiction, but keeps cropping up in recent films as screenwriters apparently feel that a story cannot exist on its own), and then to set-up the least exciting climax possible.<br />
Stanton had help writing the screenplay for <i><b>John Carter</b></i> in the form of Mark Andrews and Michael Chabon. Andrews also has a credit on Pixar's upcoming film <i><b>Brave</b></i> (2012), which may be more his speed as he largely has worked in animation. Chabon is the Pulitzer Prize winning author of books like <u><b>Wonder Boys</b></u> (1995) and <u><b>The Yiddish Policeman's Union</b></u> (2007; I started this book in 2008 and quickly abandoned it, wondering what the critics, and my brother, saw as being so praiseworthy). I blame Chabon – without any evidence beyond my brief exposure to him – for importing the tropes and clichés from other science fiction stories into <i><b>John Carter</b></i>. I am sure that the thought was to make a more mature but relatable tale, but it felt more like an unholy amalgam of ideas that didn't quite work in other films. From Therns that closely resemble the Necromongers of <i><b>The Chronicles of Riddick</b></i> (2004), to the battle in the Thark arena that looks like it was excised from <i><b>Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones</b></i> (2002), and awkward sky-bike piloting that borrows first from <i><b>Return of the Jedi</b></i> (1983) and then <i><b>Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace</b></i> (1999). At some point it doesn't matter if Burroughs had these moments in the original story or not; good screenwriting, in combination with effective direction, would ensure that the movie would aspire to do more than to ape that which has gone before. If you can look at the moving city of Zodanga and not immediately form an unfortunate associate with <i><b>Wild Wild West</b></i> (1999), then you are carrying less film-viewing baggage than I am.<br />
The John Carter character retains his service to the Confederacy, which may be the kind of fidelity I could have done without. If one is unaware of the popularity of the the post-Civil War rebel turned anti-hero, I would direct you towards the legend (largely through the dime novelization) of Jesse James. Joss Whedon milked the same teat in coming up with Malcolm Reynolds in <i><b>Firefly</b></i> (2002-03). Personally, I am about as anti-CSA as one is going to get. The idea of Southern honor is a joke that too many people appear to take seriously. I can't fault the writers for not taking liberty with this aspect of the story, but my preference would have been to just make him a Civil War vet and leave it at that. But then we wouldn't have the least funny and most repeated joke in the movie, where Carter is referred to as Virginia. <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaA2ZaTFG5l70fmTKpWaciM4hJt5V_BWmnOIfQv4aK1POdTLctnhkJiGQWz1vMkmzkoTuSVVH8dKvjeU1Hn1xAs5UNbOUyfydnVjnlEnNm9ObmmyVx6pFyuBQDkkgI3OCE9CxrUNjFN0/s1600/heros-woola.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXaA2ZaTFG5l70fmTKpWaciM4hJt5V_BWmnOIfQv4aK1POdTLctnhkJiGQWz1vMkmzkoTuSVVH8dKvjeU1Hn1xAs5UNbOUyfydnVjnlEnNm9ObmmyVx6pFyuBQDkkgI3OCE9CxrUNjFN0/s200/heros-woola.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Woola</td></tr>
</tbody></table> Since it is a Disney film, there has to be at least one part of it that screams for merchandising. That would be the Barsoomian lizard/slug dog, Woola. Much like Teddy in <i><b>A.I. Artificial Intelligence</b></i> (2001) or Muffit II from the original <i><b>Battlestar Galactica</b></i> (1978-79), Woola seems like the toy/pet that everybody would want to have. Despite myself, Woola was the character I cared most about in <i><b>John Carter</b></i>. Perhaps it is because their is no fake political machinations or manufactured angst driving the little beast. Woola, despite seeming to exist wholly in the realm of computer constructed pixels, felt like the most honest of all the films inhabitants. It also had the cute factor dialed to maximum, and that should appeal to all but the most hardhearted.<br />
Now, I have spent several paragraphs bitching about the problems with <i><b>John Carter</b></i> while giving it little praise. I feel this is where I should point out the strengths (other than Woola). It is a serviceable movie. It looks good, better than most of the other movies set on Mars made in the last 20 years. Strange that all of those movies lost money, because I would think it would discourage studios from revisiting it with inflated budgets. The main fault is that it doesn't feel like something that one would think much of a week after having seen it. Part of that is the result of the Blockbuster-ization (and now Netflix-ization) of movie watching. Even mega-blockbusters are treated as being disposable, and when films become cotton candy instead of food, they achieve the result of momentary distraction with no lasting value. <i><b>John Carter</b></i> doesn't carry the weight it should because, it would seem, Stanton and the rest of the crew only know how to do <i>big</i> and <i>familiar</i>. Had most of the movie been done on a smaller, more intimate scale (it would still need a huge budget and lots of special effects), then the larger moments would be intensified. As it is they play out as filler pieces, killing time until a predictable battle that itself feels more like how the House Harkonnen assault on Arrakeen would have looked if there had been a budget for it in any adaptation of <u><b>Dune</b></u> (1965). <br />
Too much seems borrowed (even what may have been original to the story in 1917) to make <i><b>John Carter</b></i> feel like its own movie. And if it isn't its own movie, then it cannot succeed as a momentary blockbuster. So, I get it. I get why it didnt draw a large audience. But I am sure that the curious will give it a chance at home.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-86125294502887471462012-06-08T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-08T09:00:04.733-05:00Tales of an Ancient Empire (2010)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bqeJoGjFtx82lj2mee9B-jcK9Ko9CLjrQl498WAHXB62xDujnyT-hTWbzAhHP7BLzF3B6eFmkHcKb3dXUq1vVIhahQfHpof7gGi6p_h2UBB5JhmjPOddWWIT0JoJ7K6J7mmJWq8kTvo/s1600/Tales-of-an-Ancient-Empire-2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bqeJoGjFtx82lj2mee9B-jcK9Ko9CLjrQl498WAHXB62xDujnyT-hTWbzAhHP7BLzF3B6eFmkHcKb3dXUq1vVIhahQfHpof7gGi6p_h2UBB5JhmjPOddWWIT0JoJ7K6J7mmJWq8kTvo/s640/Tales-of-an-Ancient-Empire-2010.jpg" width="428" /></a></div> I did not ever expect to find a film that would make <i><b>The Curse of Count Chocula</b></i> (2003) look like a cinematic masterpiece by comparison (though, to be fair, the movie does have some great lines and even a few scenes that make it worth sitting through the rest). Seeing as how <i><b>The Curse of Count Chocula</b></i> was made with a low-rent video camera and a budget that probably came close to $200, it would take some serious dedication to the art of making an absolutely disastrous movie. Then I happened upon the forgotten as soon as it was made, direct-to-video effort that is <i><b>Tales of an Ancient Empire</b></i> (2010). <br />
Why would I do this to myself? The honest answer is that I like Kevin Sorbo. I think that his post-<i><b>Hercules: The Legendary Journeys</b></i> (1995-99) career has not been filled with roles that showcase what he can do. In 2005, he made a sitcom pilot that didn't get picked up where he played an athlete trying to figure out what to do after his sports career. That would have served him well. Sorbo can do funny as long as it is subtle, and he hasn't been able to keep the muscle mass up after whatever condition befell him late in the <i><b>Hercules</b></i> run. But no, we get to see Sorbo in a string of thankless guest star roles and low-budget genre flicks.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivBp0ugrgSEiltJp6LPGk_j4WJD90eP4uj1Q2UwC0Pe_eFjKggMZSpaFZlJqwtjWhrupMsEId5gSioUAFG3iyR44j1l0_kXPVMTM-jW8-XNy9amJjtwp9R-jwy_ZmSklQQu1IwkqF4EWc/s1600/chocula5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivBp0ugrgSEiltJp6LPGk_j4WJD90eP4uj1Q2UwC0Pe_eFjKggMZSpaFZlJqwtjWhrupMsEId5gSioUAFG3iyR44j1l0_kXPVMTM-jW8-XNy9amJjtwp9R-jwy_ZmSklQQu1IwkqF4EWc/s200/chocula5.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><b>Curse of Count Chocula</b></i>. It exists.</td></tr>
</tbody></table> And it is at this point that I want to discuss budgets, because I truly believe that <i><b>Tales of an Ancient Empire</b></i> had the professional equivalent to the $200 range for a backyard movie. It shows right from the get-go. Michael Paré and a few anonymous castmates start off the film standing in front of what appears to e a white sheet, holding weapons like they've never seen them before, and either giving cold reads from cue-cards or ad-libbing lines that somehow made it into the final product. My guess is that these were not the first shots filmed, but rather the last ones as director Albert Pyun was desperate to get enough footage to make a movie. Indeed, that is how this whole enterprise feels. Like somehow trying to acquire footage without knowing how to stage scenes of what would be needed when it came time to edit it all together.<br />
Now, if I am going to resort to facts, the movie actually starts with an awkward introduction from Hekate (Cassy Colomb), where the character mixes tenses in an effort to let the audience know that nothing in the next 70-ish minutes is going to make sense. It goes a little like this:<br />
"I am here [present tense] to bear witness to an age when sorcery and<br />
adventure still thrived [past tense], a time when all things were yet<br />
possible [uh...past and, I'm not sure, but I think future imperfect]. So<br />
listen now [present imperative] of this tale long past."<br />
As a frustrated writer, this bothers me. Because I don't think this is just an inability to read the lines that were written. I'm convinced that somebody actually wrote those lines; they thought it sounded both compelling and sensible. Another group of people went and spent money to buy the script and make the movie. Seriously. Read it again and tell me if you wouldn't have thrown it out just based on that.<br />
Michael Paré gets to play Oda Nobunaga. Now, if you don't know who Oda is then you haven't read the <a href="http://housesardis.blogspot.com/2011/12/call-me-temujin-lets-call-this-second.html"><b>Call Me Temujin</b></a><i> </i>script that is on this blog. Read that after this and imagine how Trevor would feel about making his John Wayne playing Genghis Khan comment after this thing got released. Instead of uniting Japan, Oda is a mercenary who fucks a lot of women. Usually after helping them, but this is supposed to imply that he is a bad guy. Except that, horrific performance aside, Oda is the closest thing to a good guy the story can put together.<br />
Oda has to go to the Isle of Lost Souls to fight a Sorcerer and his vampire daughter. Clichéd, sure. But what makes this worth noting is that with the subtitles on, Oda has to go to the <i>Aisle of Lost Souls</i>. After his business is done there, Hekate tells the audience that "...Oda strolled off into the mists of legendary...". I don't know where these mists would be, but I assumed there were on the other side of the movie from the Aisle of Lost Souls.<br />
After Oda is done not really doing anything, the opening credits arrive (almost sixteen minutes into the movie). Then a string on new characters are introduced, mostly with the purpose of leading to the next character and eventually back to Oda. Sorbo plays Aeden, one of Oda's bastard children. He has some fun playing him as a shameless drunken man-whore/scoundrel, but at the same time it appears that he must have had something like four days of availability. As so many of the characters don't really interact, I have to think that they just filtered them in when available. Yet another possibility as to why the story remains – except as explained by voice-over narration – incomprehensible.<br />
Don't bother with it. Not even as a dare. It is worse than having to watch <i><b>Battlefield Earth</b></i> () while having John Travolta fondle you. Okay, no it isn't that bad, but it is worse than any movie I have seen with professional actors. It is even worse than the kind of movies aspiring filmmakers make with the video camera, a few friends, and a budget of under $200.<br />
Here are a few of my notes I made while watching it. You'll notice that I quickly gave up on it.<br />
4:03 – "Hey, Oda. You better get up there and kill that wizard and his<br />
daughter before he finishes his conjure." (Rodrigo) It isn't just<br />
the lazy writing (I'm hoping this was the terrible actor improving<br />
the line in place of what was written), but that it is delivered with<br />
a flat affect and no body language to suggest that it is important.<br />
4:59 – "Oda, my cursed nemesis, just in time to see my greatest feat."<br />
(Xuxia) Again, a completely lifeless reading.<br />
5:19 – "You realize how silly this looks?" (Oda) This should be the<br />
movie's tagline!<br />
7:54 – "So what now?" (Xia) This is a perfectly acceptable reaction<br />
from a vampire on being subdued by the great mercenary (and<br />
Queen fucker) Oda. Sure it is.<br />
8:55 – "Perhaps we should hang around in this empire we just saved<br />
and experience some of its pleasures." (Rodrigo)<br />
11:20 – "Maybe some midwife at the palace will take you in." (Oda,<br />
speaking to his child just cut from its mother's womb.) Uh,<br />
why would a midwife have any special interest in an already<br />
'birthed' child, Oda?<br />
No time listed – This is a movie with more VO narration than action.<br />
No time listed – Then vampires rules the world and Hekate goes<br />
looking for Aeden. What?Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-62478455453896054342012-06-07T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-07T09:00:11.094-05:00Civ III - Just One Picture from the Test<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Aqj9c8IuLiA-5cCpp8yvISDOatArZra2Lfds53p2b2G6VXI-uxFzWyUL4Ho0KV1SOTool3k8x7xS8i1QceZmPQdRsUTITXr-LFoIfwsqqOhjrVziAoo4Y-Vr7omgSGb-JCAXlMA-QbE/s1600/Civ+III+what+the+cities+build.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Aqj9c8IuLiA-5cCpp8yvISDOatArZra2Lfds53p2b2G6VXI-uxFzWyUL4Ho0KV1SOTool3k8x7xS8i1QceZmPQdRsUTITXr-LFoIfwsqqOhjrVziAoo4Y-Vr7omgSGb-JCAXlMA-QbE/s640/Civ+III+what+the+cities+build.bmp" width="640" /></a></div><br />
Just a screen grab from the current test. As you can see, Pinscher is finishing up its Horse Racing Track, Monument City is producing a Factory (regular improvement that comes with the game), Pempek is close to finishing its Hockey Rink, and New Wolfe is pretty progressive with its soon-to-open Buddhist Temple. The only unit added to the test are the improved Workers for Wraith (Wraith Engineers). That is all of those guys standing around looking like regular Workers who figured out that nobody likes to wear overalls.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpH4QgHOIqbgJYfgWMlxmRaISjzLFBmEfuGi5F97nLOs2kumAxseLrxzHQ2TzQV9yMoe-cRtMPLib-IXsi8yOkpHpbwCQxlC2HCH_HXIaPtvGGzts56DRas0_ry7BCQ-k9QCesWm2tD6I/s1600/Civ+III+what+the+cities+build+2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpH4QgHOIqbgJYfgWMlxmRaISjzLFBmEfuGi5F97nLOs2kumAxseLrxzHQ2TzQV9yMoe-cRtMPLib-IXsi8yOkpHpbwCQxlC2HCH_HXIaPtvGGzts56DRas0_ry7BCQ-k9QCesWm2tD6I/s640/Civ+III+what+the+cities+build+2.bmp" width="640" /></a></div><br />
The homeland for Wraith (though kind of the Hinterlands of it). Lighthouse in Panakes, Opera House in Pyreses, Tennis Courts in Brooks and Noah Brandenburg, Golf Course in Katharine Isabelle (yes, named after the actress), Slaughter House in Borones, Synagogue in Monk, and a Golf Course in Moranthal. Gormynn actually has the Waste Disposal Site (the scenario's version of a toxic waste pit). <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGC6fLWauuFOcSRVQkKA2Sb1sQe_7-qzV-rYECBYkQm6ylFOq6hGu4GycnM9CMC-LOxalSvbvDLySah9yFPNrvhx1I47VI8qt36_N80sKoA1Wl_SJ-D3bc42h-e0m8DHFuxXIqtFkYcJo/s1600/Civ+III+Culture+Count.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGC6fLWauuFOcSRVQkKA2Sb1sQe_7-qzV-rYECBYkQm6ylFOq6hGu4GycnM9CMC-LOxalSvbvDLySah9yFPNrvhx1I47VI8qt36_N80sKoA1Wl_SJ-D3bc42h-e0m8DHFuxXIqtFkYcJo/s640/Civ+III+Culture+Count.bmp" width="640" /></a></div><br />
Apparently people really want Buddhism (see the adviser). Or see that Castle McNeil (the capital) is running away with a Culture score of 15,560. It helps when the United Center, Stanley Cup, and the Olympics are all contributing. Or just notice that it has more improvements in it than come with the regular game.<br />
<br />
And this is what I have been working on. Stuff about a movie tomorrow.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-11973217696217504042012-06-06T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-06T09:00:11.855-05:00Civ Building Eats Time<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNxbD5VrQweG3AjtVPzr37s1JjOmcRr9TERXxs8luycY8pkd_9WZrj9AOSK8Q8G9IztXm57lPddpUEhH3NhJy2IirEddT88J3o8XVAUe8vAmjnPqpiK5ojKCvrIWOXs7xl4RmeqXQaPc/s1600/Wrigley_Field+Splash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpNxbD5VrQweG3AjtVPzr37s1JjOmcRr9TERXxs8luycY8pkd_9WZrj9AOSK8Q8G9IztXm57lPddpUEhH3NhJy2IirEddT88J3o8XVAUe8vAmjnPqpiK5ojKCvrIWOXs7xl4RmeqXQaPc/s1600/Wrigley_Field+Splash.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What kind of civilization wouldn't have its own specific house of sports worship?</td></tr>
</tbody></table> While I am sure that building a computer game from the ground up – every line of code and all that – is immeasurably more time consuming than my efforts to rebuild/surpass my Civ III scenario. I remember laboriously typing in the basic script for character creation programs (TMNT & Other Strangeness) or no image games (those coming straight out of some magazine that had basic code for the Commodore 64) close to twenty five years ago, and the end result was always disappointing. Just like that kind of <i>not-really-programming</i>, simply getting the already created animations and pictures to work in the Civ game takes all kinds of time.<br />
It isn't just adding all of the units in the actual scenario. That takes about thirty hours of work (without taking into account how long it takes to find the animations that go with each unit). Then there is the the soul-crushing task of seeing how many errors are hidden in the text command file for each set of animations, which results in simply watching the game crash again and again, with the saving grace of learning one error each time. I am not even at that stage in the rebuild (though I do have most of the animations selected) because it saps the belief that anything good will ever come from all the work.<br />
No, I found myself with a small amount of time to be able to dedicate to adding in the improvements (buildings and such) I'm used to having in a game. Well, actually I went well above and beyond what I used to have in the scenario. More than 150 have been added now.<br />
Some of perfectly normal: Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, Trafalgar Square, Angkor Wat, Hagia Sofia, the Kremlin, and Tourism Bureaus. Some of pretty specific to the imported civilizations: the Mithril Forge (liberally borrowed from Middle Earth), the Library at Penacles (from Richard A. Knaak's Dragonrealm books), the Uruk-Hai Birthing Chamber (straight out of the Lord of the Rings movies), and the Gengengian War College (for Gengenbach, which was slowly built in response to how Steve Genge would build his perfect civ). <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMKWjs_05Zuqbgq_MRYeLr9GCu9Prr4saRF_VPDZx0hOqupowToBbNhyphenhyphenGEy7sa2QnU6FL0T-vHOr12LnGkYnzUruL9l1pzswB8LgCXSXeLRjWYxPWnxNUaOoRViI-wBgYpqygk9x-FI4I/s1600/BOMBERFACTORY02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMKWjs_05Zuqbgq_MRYeLr9GCu9Prr4saRF_VPDZx0hOqupowToBbNhyphenhyphenGEy7sa2QnU6FL0T-vHOr12LnGkYnzUruL9l1pzswB8LgCXSXeLRjWYxPWnxNUaOoRViI-wBgYpqygk9x-FI4I/s1600/BOMBERFACTORY02.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Bomber Research Facility, which manufactures Heavy Bombers. Why play without it?</td></tr>
</tbody></table> There are rather mundane improvements: Television Network, Adult Book Store, Baseball Stadium (build enough and you can build Wrigley Field and Yankee Stadium), Football Stadium (build enough and you can build the Super Bowl), Basketball Stadium (build enough and you can make both the NCAA National Tournament and Madison Square Garden), Strip Club, Slaughter House, Hockey Rink (build enough and you can make the Stanley Cup and the United Center), Soccer Stadium (build enough and you can make the Allianz Arena, Estádio do Maracanã, Wembley Stadium, and the World Cup), Golf Course (build enough and you can make the Open Championship), Tennis Court (build enough and you can make Wimbledon), The Olympics, Plaza de Toros (bullfighting arenas, with two famous ones – the Ronda Bullring and Maestranza Bullring – also included), Sniper School, Amusement Park, Brewery, Winery, Amphitheatre, Fishery, City Park, Opera House, Prison, and so on.<br />
There is even an extremely offensive Wonder that the AI insists on building. <br />
Anyway, each building needs to be entered into the scenario. It has two images (one 128x128, one 32x32), both saved as pcx files in 256 colors. If they are not in 256 colors, the game will crash. All wonders need Splashes – images in 320x320 and still in 256 colors. A lot of these need to be created, which is only time consuming in looking for pictures that would look good all squashed up. <br />
That small amount of time I had turned into about twenty hours of adding the improvements and just as long running through a version of the scenario to make sure it will run when it comes time to actually play. And it is at this point that any sane person would realize that much more time is being invested in the preparation to play than the actual game play. <br />
Anyway, it eats time. And it kept me from writing a real post for today.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-27790301566946994552012-06-05T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-05T09:00:01.267-05:00Immortals (2011)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGspli1FFOiOdoa3hANJ0gUM5VyiIYo6eJaXBc8BbWYCTLNQKAhlV0Ev8AMu7IGZy72BGmFeJGZd89ch-it00_GUvmJTeKhRNk21pSIfTjE8xEBxZJNlgg03iEsTbfqPolz5gzst8lt0w/s1600/Immortals.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGspli1FFOiOdoa3hANJ0gUM5VyiIYo6eJaXBc8BbWYCTLNQKAhlV0Ev8AMu7IGZy72BGmFeJGZd89ch-it00_GUvmJTeKhRNk21pSIfTjE8xEBxZJNlgg03iEsTbfqPolz5gzst8lt0w/s640/Immortals.jpg" width="472" /></a></div> I was on the fence about whether or not a should hate <i><b>Immortals</b></i> (2011), Tarsem Singh's re-imagining of the legend of Theseus. It isn't that I am wholly against rewriting old stories. I just think that if one is going to mess with something that has endured for more than twenty five centuries (and at least five distinct languages) by the time a writer or writers sits down to <i>work the magic</i> and change the details, those changes need to make marked improvements that won't leave anyone familiar with the tale sitting there thinking, <i>who is responsible for this sacrilege?</i> – or at least must make the story relatable to a modern audience without gutting the essence of the original.<br />
<i><b>Immortals</b></i> fails in that regard. Instead of having Theseus (which, incidentally, should be pronounced THAY-soos) be the half-god who battle's with King Minos' beast in the Labyrinth and who founds the city of Athens – you know, perhaps the most important city in the history of Western culture – writers Charley and Vlas Parlapanides cast him as an angry iconoclast (intentionally and unintentionally) who thinks primarily only of himself and has a last minute conversion to the typical Ancient Greek concept of immortality being capable only through performing deeds that were certain to be remembered. For some reason, this Theseus needs to be not only thoroughly uninteresting but still the center of attention for all the other characters. Just as baffling was the notion of the Ancient Greek gods having a 'no interference' rule with humanity in general, and specifically with the heroes. <br />
Let us also consider that the Parlapanides place the action in the 13th Century BCE and refer to the assembled 'peoples' as Hellenics. Not Hellenes, which would be appropriate, at least after the Greeks came to see themselves as sharing a common culture and heritage. They also imagine Ancient Greece as a cross between Arrakis and a post-apocalyptic Dover. There are no signs of life other than the people. The single body of water we see is thick with an oil that would preclude the chance of finding any life there. Theseus comes from a cliffside village that is built up in a pseudo-Pueblo style, where the only activity seems to be either getting ready to be a warrior (though not being one) or hanging out in the temple. The stark nothingness over which these non-characters fight only highlights the lifelessness of the whole enterprise.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5z6Nd7Ia57KZUWfonwHK3L4c303AJu-pE_7GOj48GYgivBboEp0lG5UcVQSCs2nUqaWeORg2cxP8b8krNY94qW-sXzG7bpbN_F2RITBcnls74KqFOThMWW8hnpTnVpMpuR6w5VZI_jxs/s1600/Hank's+Bow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5z6Nd7Ia57KZUWfonwHK3L4c303AJu-pE_7GOj48GYgivBboEp0lG5UcVQSCs2nUqaWeORg2cxP8b8krNY94qW-sXzG7bpbN_F2RITBcnls74KqFOThMWW8hnpTnVpMpuR6w5VZI_jxs/s200/Hank's+Bow.jpg" width="147" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hank and his bow.</td></tr>
</tbody></table> All of that wasn't enough to make me hate the movie. It was bad, sure, but not without a few moments. Putting Hank's bow from the<i><b>Dungeons & Dragons</b></i> cartoon (1983-85) sure stretched the credulity of the film, but it is nice to know that it would look good in a major motion picture. The torture bulls were an effort to get something right, and they worked in spite of the ridiculousness with they were employed. Henry Cavill (Theseus) has all the right moves for an action movie, even one set in the ancient world, and Stephen Dorff gave a good turn as the rapscallion lieutenant and ally of Theseus. Even the movie having the worst lighting I have seen in years wasn't enough to make me despise it. <br />
No, that came from making the mistake watching one of the extras where so-called experts argued that since the Ancient Greeks changed their mythology (this was more the result of the different regions and city states having different takes on the same stories or replacing characters from one story with their own heroes or city-sponsoring deity), it was fair game to change the story. Kellan Lutz, an alum of the <i><b>Twilight</b></i> film franchise, challenged why people expect to see Poseidon as an older man with flowing white hair and beard. 'Because you saw that in some movie?' he asks. No, jackass. Because the Ancient Greeks presented him that way. Always. Without fail. Because, as a people whose lives revolved around the sea, they saw the need to have the master of the waves – and the guy who gifted them with horses – appear as an authority figure. I see <i><b>Immortals</b></i> as being in step with Lutz's lack of understanding. Too stupid to actually do research on the people and gods being portrayed, and too in love with big budget effects to notice that there wasn't much of a story put into the works.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-81754402916368422742012-06-04T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-04T04:38:18.262-05:00Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeH3OLInUupNxIx5Kp5UTFRwZFoWtqjptJY_idb6936P9_kuu4R55DGJSicfZKNFgkmV2JiT56UfusCyT6t5ieoZaJu1MyLXKSFD51FeEhl8hyI-zQjyLLYza1_QE_KmBwYtMLI2ko5vk/s1600/snow-white-and-the-huntsman-movie-poster-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeH3OLInUupNxIx5Kp5UTFRwZFoWtqjptJY_idb6936P9_kuu4R55DGJSicfZKNFgkmV2JiT56UfusCyT6t5ieoZaJu1MyLXKSFD51FeEhl8hyI-zQjyLLYza1_QE_KmBwYtMLI2ko5vk/s640/snow-white-and-the-huntsman-movie-poster-5.jpg" width="430" /></a></div> Somewhere, there are people who would just assume end all association with me forever because I made the effort to see <i><b>Snow White and the Huntsman</b></i> (2012) but I could not be bothered to go see <i><b>The Avengers</b></i> (2012). I'm not sure why having more interest in fantasy – faerie tale or not – than superhero stories is somehow a disqualifier for contemporary American manhood. For the record, I'm a little surprised that I haven't seen <i><b>The Avengers</b></i>, but now that I have to choose between seeing it in 3D at matinee prices or paying full freight for a 2D ticket I'm not sure I will see it before it jumps to the home market. I'm sure that I'll be entertained by it whenever I see it, but I have taken to watching how much I'm willing to spend just to see a movie <i>sooner</i> rather than later.<br />
Anyway, I didn't know what to expect from <i><b>Snow White and the Huntsman</b></i>. I've seen quite a few awful movies of late – I imagine at least two of them will be discussed here this week – and figured there was a chance that this re-imagining of the fairytale would do everything in its power to hit the wrong notes (at least for me). And as I was sitting next to a small child (I would guess that he was nine or ten), I had an idea that I was decidedly not the target audience. Well, the trailer for the Katy Perry movie let me know that straight out. But I had paid my $4.50, so I was in for the duration.<br />
Though it started slowly, intermixing laborious narration with character development, <i><b>Snow White and the Huntsman</b></i> started moving right along once they managed to get the titular princess out of the castle. From that point on it is more of a small scale travelogue, with a hallucination-inducing forest, a fishing village, and an enchanted glen on the way to the necessary rallying of the troops. The effects are better than I expected, hampered only by director Rupert Sanders aversion to focus (or deep focus in scenes that practically call out for it).<br />
I am positive that there will be legions who savage Kristen Stewart for her performance here, but I found that she showed some restraint in a film where most everyone was overacting at the audience. Sure, that is quite fitting for a fairy tale, but I want my hero and/or heroine to be something more than a caricature of an archetype. Sanders could have helped Stewart out by giving her better direction on how to interact with the not-there-yet CGI creatures (Stewart's eyes darted back and forth, a cross between showing that she is engaged in the scene and that she doesn't know where to look). Sam Spruell, playing the evil Queen's brother/lackey, could have used a character who didn't slowly build into being a force to be reckoned with because it makes most of his early scenes contradictory to his ultimate character.<br />
What I liked the most was how the movie evoked the feel of a 1st Edition AD&D adventure. That is in part due to the fact the the two badasses on the side of good are in the Ranger-mold (William uses a bow in melee combat, I'm calling that more AD&D Ranger than Fighter). As every LoTR fan knows, Rangers are the guys who kick evil's ass; the other character accomplishes the main goal only because it would make the rest of us feel inadequate forever if the Ranger does that, too. No, the good forest and creatures had such a classic feel that it dragged me right back to how I felt with AD&D leading me into fantasy stories and artwork.<br />
Having said that, I have a feeling that this isn't going to rank as one of the new classic films. Because it moves along so quickly (once it gets going), the story does not seem as epic as it could have been. There was also a missed chance in making more out of Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) and her complicated backstory. It was nice to have the story couched in the dangers of a world where men can – and do – take what they want from women and dispose of them when the interest fades, but I think it didn't dig deep enough into that metaphor. Maybe that was to avoid upsetting the littler ones seeing it. Maybe it was because if it came off as man-hating, the audience would quickly shrink.<br />
Whatever. I would have preferred bolder, but I liked it. I think that if one can accept that Stewart is not acting as the same intensity (or at the audience), there won't be any problems with her performance. It certainly is a more interesting take on the tale than the one Disney did, and it almost looks as good. I say give it chance...probably at home.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911446930594379745.post-74266722628074767732012-06-01T09:00:00.000-05:002012-06-01T09:00:12.786-05:00Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Dungeons & Dragon (2011)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit95yU9VpfE4ZlwudSQPhrcJmzDcWw5dM1sKR3qK7OobXYeqE_MebQN8m_jrBI9tWsqZA1IDc6rH5lFerc8ZUF39smsk-jFdZMCqn-px8MPXJzt7IpYWggd1QJovjavSdPt85eQ3WJOi4/s1600/Everything+I+Need+to+Know+I+Learned+from+Dungeons+%2526+Dragons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit95yU9VpfE4ZlwudSQPhrcJmzDcWw5dM1sKR3qK7OobXYeqE_MebQN8m_jrBI9tWsqZA1IDc6rH5lFerc8ZUF39smsk-jFdZMCqn-px8MPXJzt7IpYWggd1QJovjavSdPt85eQ3WJOi4/s400/Everything+I+Need+to+Know+I+Learned+from+Dungeons+%2526+Dragons.jpg" width="276" /></a></div> I have waited a long time to post on this book. In part because I didn't want to simply give voice to my anger and disappointment that a purposely (seemingly) vacuous <i>person</i> has a position with the company that publishes – and seems to have great joy in rescuing and destroying – Dungeons & Dragons while having no real personal attachment to the game. Shelly Mazzanoble writes about the lessons she has learned from D&D the way I could try to detail the length and breadth of humanity from having to aid them with finding the products that are right in front of them at the store. Hey, I'll straight out admit that I used to visit the comparative stores in other markets when I was on vacation, meaning that I must have had some attachment and involvement with that job that went beyond taking home money every Thursday. It would be extremely hypocritical of me to suggest that Mazzanoble could not have developed an attachment to D&D through her workplace association with it. But I will insist that her connection is inferior to mine because mine is from my formative years. Like it or not – and I came to terms with it over a decade ago – I am a Dungeons & Dragons guy. Just not the kind that could get on board with 4E or be bothered to read any of the Forgotten Realms novels.<br />
Mazzanoble, on the other hand, is the kind of person that I think my brother aspired to be for about a minute in 1993. By that I mean that I'm sure he would have loved to have interned at SubPop Records around that time, and he lasted a whole semester out in the Pacific Northwest at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. Mazzanoble comes off as a cross between a self-doubting/self-obsessed <i>ditz</i> and a functional, conscientious person who has a clue on how to get through life without needing to relate it to a game where the goal is often to murder and rob others. She seems to have to work backwards, giving information about her life and how her understanding is truly formed by her mother, and then inserting how Dungeons & Dragons doesn't countermand those important lessons.<br />
Like her other book, it would seem that <u><b>Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Dungeons and Dragons</b></u> (2011) was written in an effort to <i>redeem</i> D&D of its image from...well, I honestly don't know when D&D had an image problem in my circles. I know there was some uproar about it when AD&D was breaking big in the late 1970s. I also know that bad press continued into the mid-1980s. But there were D&D boxsets at Toys 'Я' Us and Kay•Bee Toys, the AD&D books fully stocked at the tiny Palos Park Public Library, and a successful cartoon show during the 1980s. Hell, the worst thing I can think of associated with D&D – other than how some of the players really did look like greasy trolls who shun meaningful human contact, but since many of them were teens or in their early 20s, it is entirely possible they just hadn't mastered good hygiene yet – is the <i><b>Dungeons & Dragons</b></i> (2000) movie.<br />
For all of my bitching, and there could be much more than what I'll show here, Mazzanoble isn't a bad writer. She is just (in my estimation) writing for the wrong audience. I have a feeling that the people who think that reality television on the opposite side of the spectrum from <i><b>Mythbusters</b></i> (2003-present) or<i><b> </b><b>Deadliest Catch</b></i> (2005-present) aren't likely to be drawn to Dungeons & Dragons. There isn't a huge <i><b>Say Yes to the Dress</b></i> (2007-present) vibe to most D&D sessions. I'm not trying to knock shows that clearly appeal more to the ladies, but Dungeons & Dragons – even in its more introspective, personal moments – is usually not running short on testosterone. Every character has a means to go about killing, and most games expect it to happen on a regular basis. Hell, the original formula for advancing characters was largely predicated on how tough or dangerous the monsters were which the PCs were killing.<br />
Mazzanoble seems to see D&D as a cooperative game – which it is – but doesn't seem to grasp that it is quite different from a sedentary team sport. There is almost no mention of character development, by which I mean how the player comes to know and understand his or her PC as a separate being (more than just an alter-ego). Instead, she seems to think that character creation is the time to understand the character; after that, it is a figure to be moved around on the combat grid and a sheet on which abilities and powers are recorded. She doesn't come across as cognizant of how D&D may be different from other roleplaying games. Why could she not learn everything she needed to know from Rifts or Deadlands – except for the fact that she isn't employed by Palladium Books or Pinnacle Entertainment Group?<br />
She also largely ignores the role that having something that could draw a diverse group of <i>outcasts</i> together, as D&D did before the world became one that accepted and celebrated things like World of Warcraft or Skyrim, would have on the players. Coming to the game as an adult, where one can play it at work (on the clock), I am sure that she didn't give it much thought. Her one example of introducing it to children showed her to have little concept of how it might bring people with nothing else in common together.<br />
This wasn't a bad book. But it certainly wasn't written with people like me in mind. Then again, several WoTC employees had no problem telling me that they had no qualms if all the longtime D&D players walked away when 4E was launched (because they had a plan to get a new generation of players). They also told me that they weren't interested in listening to feedback outside of organized play (because home campaigns can always change the rules as they see fit). I really wish I had written down those guys names way back when, because I know that one of them ended up being a prominent player in 4E; more than that, I would like to be able to back up my statements by saying something more than the WoTC employees at the GenCon booth told me those things.<br />
Mazzanoble seems to have to make up for some of that damage, but she still isn't trying to appeal to longtime players. And I would be forever baffled as to why anyone who wasn't playing D&D would buy or read the book. It is a fake self-help book that is really an excuse for Mazzanoble to write about herself. I won't begrudge her that. I think a lot of us would do that if we were given the opportunity, and I know that I wouldn't be able to make myself as sympathetic as her. I just don't think that her efforts to wedge D&D into her personal story served her, her story, or the property.Timothyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04171171125001954084noreply@blogger.com0